Autism/grieving

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Expert: - 11/11/2005


Question
Do you have any information of the grieving process to use with a non verbal, autistic male who has lost his father.  
We have searched and it is a topic that seems to be non existent.  We have used social stories etc but it would be nice if there were more information available. If you have any or could direct me to the right source I would be grateful.
Thank you cindy

Answer
Hi Cindy,

Wow, what a fantastic question.  I have to say, I do not know of a specific source for this, however, I have a few ideas.

You don't say how old this person is, so I'm assuming he's a school age boy.

You are right on with social stories as a way to help him understand the intellectual part of the experience.  Most people on the autistic spectrum have a very difficult time understanding that others have feelings and thoughts and also in identifying their own feelings.  Strong emotions may be translated into physical pain and be very frightening for them.

My own daughter tends to experience fear as nausea and feels "sick".  She knows several other individuals on spectrum who literally hurt when they have fear or anger.  This "synesthesia", meaning cross wiring of the senses, is a common trait.  So, look for physical symptoms as clues to his state of mind.

He will grieve as best he can and careful observation will probably clue you in to when he is sad, angry or lonely.  His attachment to his father may or may not have been strong enough to elicit much reaction.  Remember, autism deeply interferes with attachment.  He may be more upset by the disruption of normal routine than the actual loss of the parent. Offer whatever comfort he can accept as he seems to need it.

Here are a few links you may find useful in looking for more information:

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm

http://www.autism.org/

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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