Expert: Trey McGowan - 9/28/2007

Question
I need some practical advice on how to deal with public meltdowns and shrieking. It seems like sometimes when I try to stop the shrieking in public, it increases. I want to do what is right by my son, but I feel ignorant as he has just been diagosed with PDD... Please help!

Answer
Hello there, Leigh!

The meltdowns caused by ASD or other PDDs can be very different than what most people would consider a 'temper tantrum' or 'meltdown'. They are caused by the same sort of things, but they may happen more easily, or for a much more unusual stimulus. In addition, it may not be that the child particularly wants something, so much as that the world has become too much, and they are simply lashing out against it.

The most important part about dealing with meltdowns is finding out what is causing them. While a lot of what is causing them can't be avoided, there will be some that can, and you can work on keeping him away from them, or removing him from the stimulus if it starts. If it can't be removed or dealt with, asking your specialist about various coping methods would be a good idea. I'm not sure how old your son is or how severe his PDD is, so I can't give more detailed suggestions on the 'coping mechanisms'. For instance, if your child has a meltdown in a very crowded location, then maybe you can work on finding ways to avoid bringing him into very crowded areas and work your way up. Maybe it's strong scents, and you can keep them away from the perfume aisles. Of course, it may just be the usual emotional frustrations, which come even with the most neurotypical children.

Now, for actually dealing with them when they happen, the first thing you can do is to try and remember that the meltdown isn't something that needs to be punished. Most parents might see it as a temper tantrum, but they are *much* different than that. It's something I'm sure you're aware of, but I'd rather voice it... er, type it out loud to be sure. Keeping that in mind can help, because it can keep you in the frame of mind of 'Help my son through this' rather than 'make my son stop this'. Lashing out at the child will just make it harder, since he will be more terrified of losing control, seeing it as a bad thing. Instead, detach the child from the uncomfortable situation and work on some coping skills. Move it up a little at a time, if you can. He may never be able to handle everything, but he should at least be able to control himself well enough to say 'Mom, I need to go', rather than fall down and start screaming. Make sure that he feels you are a safe place in this, and that he can trust you to help him through it.

Now, if these 'meltdowns' genuinely *are* a temper tantrum, rather than an overload, it's possible that you'll need to start discipline to work on them. In that case, focus on treating them the way that most tantrums are to be treated: primarily ignore them; don't punish, don't reward. It's not easy, but it's probably the best way to handle a tantrum. Now, I'm not saying the child *is* having tantrums rather than meltdowns, but being unable to hear the details of what's happening, I'd rather cover all bases.

http://www.heptune.com/tantrum.html
This is a page that deals with handling tantrums. However, the methods used for dealing with tantrums here can work on handling a PDD meltdown, as well as the more 'typical' tantrum. I suggest it as a read, to give you ideas for handling it.

http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/temper_tantrums.html
Another page about handling tantrums/meltdowns.

http://momofautistic.proboards30.com/index.cgi?board=Behavior&action=display&thr...
An autistic support group: this is a posting that details specifically the autistic meltdown and what to do. It will help you tell whether you are looking at meltdowns or tantrums, and give an idea of how to handle them both with a PDD child.

http://www.edarticle.com/special-education/autism/asperger-syndrome-children-and...
Again, they term it a tantrum, but this is far more about the meltdowns that an ASD child can have and what a parent can do.

And finally, remember to keep an eye on yourself as well as your son. I know that these things can be frustrating for you, and I applaud you for being a strong enough parent to look for the assistance rather than diving in headfirst. If you ever feel like *you* are the one getting overwhelmed by this, don't hesitate to speak to a genuine expert in the area, and talk to your doctor or a psychologist. There is no shame in reaching out for a hand for yourself.

Hopefully those links will help out with giving you, yourself, a little peace of mind as well,

Trey