Expert: Trey McGowan - 11/22/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi, How are you?
I am Rajendran from Chennai, India.
My daughter Age 5, studying LKG.
She's having some problems:
1. Not responding teachers questions
2. She speaking less sound in Class not in home.
3. She is very shy while other seeing her
4. She is not interacting with other kids (outside)

Thanks in Advance for your advice to correct the problems. Can you
please mail me the any suggestions / advise.


ANSWER: नमस्कार, Rajendran!

That is the extent of my Hindi language knowledge. :) If it sounds like I'm talking down, it is because I'm trying to avoid words and phrases that would be harder to translate.

I'm not sure if your daughter is diagnosed autistic or not. I'm going to assume that she is, but if I am wrong, then you can write back and tell me. It will make a small difference in how I answer this question.

It sounds to me as if your daughter is having social problems. This is very common for children who are autistic, because they don't always understand what would be normal social cues. Body language is a big part of communication for a lot of people, but for an autistic, it is like trying to learn to read in a language they've never seen before. It is even harder for her if she is new to LKG. How long has she been going?

If you have not done it yet, talk to the teacher and explain that your daughter has autism. Give some information if you have it. This will make sure she understands your daughter's differences.

To help with her shyness, try taking her to places there are other children and encouraging her to play with them, like parks and playgrounds. See if there are small groups where parents take their children to play together with supervision. In English, they are called 'Play Dates'. It will be helpful for you, too, since there will be other parents for you to discuss common problems with. They will help give you suggestions as well. You will probably need to start with small ones and get bigger as she gets more comfortable. Work slowly; let her stay with you if she wants to in the first days, and then introduce her to others little by little.

I think if you can help overcome her shyness some, then your other problems will start to go along with it.

If you need anything else, then write back and tell me. I'll be happy to help more.

Trey

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Trey,

Thanks. Its very clear.
As per your comments, i will take her to park and playgrounds.

1. My daughter is not diagnosed autistic.
2. Already spoken with teacher, teacher says the following
  1.She is shy and submissive child
  2.She is not listerning my words
  3.If i ask anything, she is keep quite.
  4.She is chat with few child only

Can you please provide answers above questions.

Thanks.

Answer
Hello again!

If your daughter is not autistic, then I may not be as much help; I'm here for the autistic questions rather than general parenting. Still, the tactics above (i.e. the park and play groups) will help with even a 'normal' child with shyness issues. Also, if she is new to the school, it is very possible that she is just feeling uncomfortable, and that she needs to take some time to get used to it. School, even LKG, is a very intimidating thing for a young child in their first year!

Also, I would like to add that 'being shy' is not always a reason to worry. Many people are more introverted than extroverted. This means that they prefer to keep to themselves or with only a few close friends, that they are private, and that they are quiet. As long as you can get her to listen to the teacher, then the quiet part is not necessarily something to worry about. She may just be a naturally private girl.

One way you might get her to listen more to the teacher is to show your daughter that you are friendly with her, or even to become closer to her if you can. Make sure your daughter realizes that the teacher is not someone to be afraid of, but a good person and a friend. Sometimes, a child will not listen to their teacher because they are scared and intimidated by this strange person. By making them be not a stranger, your child may start to listen more.

Hopefully those, along with the trips to parks and playgrounds, will help with her shyness issues!

Trey