Expert: Trey McGowan - 7/3/2007

Question
my 12 yr old daughter is obsessed with time even though she cannot tell the time (i have tried , my other 4 children can tell the time)she has no concept of time.she has no friends as she scares them. she has to cuddled people all the time and tell people that she loves them.people get angry with her especially teachers as she interrupts them by shouting out,when being asked questions she shouts out wrong answers the kids in her class laugh and call her names, but its like it doesn't affect her. she told her teacher at school that we had a car crash and had been in hospital all weekend.She also told them that her grandma had phoned and told us that her dad had killed himself ( he does not live with us)if someone is upset she laughs and says horrible thing. if something is funny she gets angry. if i ask her to go the the shop she comes back with the wrong thing, even if i give her a list.i asked her to get the hairbrush the other day she was gone for ages and when i called her and asked for the hair brush she shouted you didn't ask for it. she doesn't fall asleep until passed midnight and is up by am she is never tired and always on the go.i am scared that if a man gave her attention she would do anything. she will talk to anyone even though i have tried to drum it into her not to. she has no concept of danger and i am scared she will get hurt.she used to trip over nothing and she has never been able to learn nursery rhymes she gets the words wrong.she is so behind at school but really tries to learn. she is always being bullied because of the way she is.she has hardly any co-ordination and always says the wrong thing. i thought it would get easier as she got older, as when she was younger i could pass it off as her age but now people laugh at her and tease her. i have an older child and 3 younger ones whom act more grown up and have plenty of friends and get on well at school, i know children are all different but more and more people, myself included have noticed she is different. i took her to my doctor who said he simplified with me but he couldn't do anything, it was down to her school, who on the one hand says she needs help but on the other hand say there is nothing they can do to help

Answer
Hello, Marissa!

Wow. That's a lot to process all at once. However, for all the information given, there is one very important one that you didn't bring up: has your daughter been diagnosed? If not, then the most important thing for you to do if you're to be able to get outside help is to work on doing that. There are many therapists who can handle the diagnosis and, through that, be able to define and start handling your child's situation. If she has been diagnosed, then the therapist who diagnosed her would probably have some information to help out; go back to him and explain the situation some.

For you, yourself, the diagnosis can be one of the things you need most: support. You're obviously going through a lot as well as your daughter, and to be her support and help, you need to find your own place to be able to lean. Check around your area for some play groups for parents of disabled children; a lot of these have autistic individuals in them, and you can speak with the fellow parents of autistic children in the area. Or go online to find a support group of parents of autistics to be able to discuss with them what has worked. You can get a wider range of aid through them.

The hardest part about these things is that, while it is overwhelming for you, it's even more for your daughter. When you try to handle one thing and another comes up, you may drop the first to handle the second. Or try to handle both at once. In this way, it's easy to never get anywhere, or to get both you and her so overwhelmed that it all seems... well... like it seems right now: too much to handle. Try to focus, first, on the important things: figuring out where the diagnosis is for these, so you know how to start coming at the various difficulties.

The school system, on the other hand, may not be able to do anything to help. If they aren't equipped to handle an autistic child, then the best you can do is start looking for a school that is. It may involve a move, but it may also be better for yourself and your child. Alternatively, have you considered home studies? If she can't learn in the school system, if being bullied by her peers, and the school is telling you they can't help? Then perhaps the best thing that can be done is to get her somewhere that *can* help. Either with you or a different school.

Hoping that I helped at least a little,

Trey