Autism/odd behaviour

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Expert: - 2/16/2007


Question
My 3 year old son seems to get upset when we go to birthday parties and we sing the Happy Birthday song.  When we sing it, he is actually fine and happy, it is after the blowing out of the candles that he starts crying and now he has also taken to letting out a screeching irritating scream. For the most part, I try to remove him from the area now when it is cake time.  His 4th birthday is coming out soon.  He loves blowing out candles, but I am thinking, should I just skip singing the Happy Birthday song or should I try to get him used to it between now and a couple of months from now?

Answer
Hi Sally,

I think I have an idea of why he is upset. You mention that HE loves blowing out candles. I assume he is upset at parties where someone else blows out the candles? I think he is unhappy he did not get to blow out the candles, too.

This actually happened with our daughter, as well. We finally just gave her a candle to blow out at the same time. He probably won't act out at his own party where he blows out the candles unless he is upset that the candles go out and he really likes watching the flame. This kind if thing is common and very hard to figure out when they are too small to talk well.

We also had the experience of our daugther being upset at her cousins' parties because she did not have a present to GIVE to them herself (in our family, the aunts and uncles brought the presents). Other people assumed she wanted to get the presents for herself and, therefore, that she was spoiled. It took a while to figure out why she was so upset. After that, we made sure she was part of buying, wrapping and giving the present. Problem solved.

I hope this has been helpful.

If your son has not been evaluated for a spectrum disorder (you did not say one way or the other) it would be a good idea to have him checked out.

Best wishes,
Catherine

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Catherine Ridenour

Expertise

I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.

Experience

I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.

We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.

Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.

Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.

I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.

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