Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 9/6/2005

Question
Ms. Ridenour,
My sister was diagnosed with autism, but she is extremely high functioning. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to be a better brother. Maybe you could help me to understand an autistic person's thought process better. Any information or advice you would be willing to give me would be extremely helpful.
Also, I am planning on doing a research paper on autism; would you mind if I kept your reply and used it for reference information for my paper?
Thanks so much,
Matthew

Answer
Hi Matthew,

First of all, if you use this in your paper, please site it as a type of interview not as an expert source.  I have no "credentials" that make me an official expert.  Just lots of experience living with and loving someone with autism.

Now, how to be a better brother...  It's really wonderful you want to improve your relationship with your sister.  

You don't say how old you are, or if she is older or younger than you.  In our family, the Asperger's child is the eldest.  If your sister is older, perhaps you have some resentments about her treatment of you when you were children.  The greatest gift you can give her, in that case, would be forgiveness.  If she is younger, it probably was not so traumatic to you that she was "different."

You can offer her much support by just "being there" without pushing.  In social situations, you can provide a bit of a shield for her by heading off those who are too "touchy, feely".  Let her tell you how much of this kind of help she wants, though.

In general, those with A.S. lack what is called "Theory of Mind" which is the understanding that other people have thoughts and the ability to guess what those thoughts might be.  They do not have the instinctive understanding of the meaning of facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.  So, they miss out on a large piece of normal communication.  Not only do they not read these things accurately, they do not "send" them correctly, either.  A good analogy is that they are "socially deaf."

The best thing to do, now, is to continue to improve your understanding of Autistic Spectrum disorders.

To get a good insider's view of the thought processes of those with Asperger's or other spectrum disorders, I would suggest you read a few books written by people on the spectrum.  Here are a few suggestions:

"Thinking in Pictures" by Temple Grandin
   -An autobiography
"Aquamarine Blue 5" edited by Dawn Prince-Hughes
  - Essays by college students with AS or HFA
"Ask and Tell" edited by Stephen Shore
   -A collection of essays by people who have needed to decide whether or not to reveal their diagnosis for educational or job purposes.  A good manual for your sister, too.