Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 7/27/2007

Question
my son will be 4 in october. we have been having problems for about a year. he has problems with the sound of water, with music in the car,he says they are too loud. even on his sponge bob video game, which he is very attached to, when you go next to the waterfall, he turns the sound almost off until you leave that area. he can't stand other children with high pitched voices. when they talk to him he gets irritated and responds with physical force, pushing, hitting. he will sit on a child to get his way, whether they have aggravated him or not. he refuses to give up his nuby cup or blanket. he will walk up to you and say over and over hey, hey, hey, hey.. until you have responded twice to him.his speech is way ahead of where it should be for his age and he knows all his colors, numbers (in order to 30, and in writing in random order) letter in order and in writing in random order, counts from 1-10 in spanish, so he's not mentally challenged in that way, but i am so frustrated with why he acts out the way he does. i have had to pull him out of the sitters and hire a girl to come to my house and watch him so i can work.please tell me what you think and feel free to ask any other questions.. there are so many weird things i can't remember all of them to tell you. thank you for your time... wendy

Answer
Hi Wendy,

Remember, I'm not a doctor. However, your son is exhibiting clear symptoms of Asperger's syndrome.

A.S. is one of the high-functioning autistic spectrum disorders. It affects social function more than intellect. In fact, many A.S. people have very high I.Q.s.  They talk early and well. They learn rapidly but you will find that his use of his learning will be rather limited to the situation in which he learned it. (This can improve with age.) He may become an expert about an odd subject and want to talk of nothing else.

Most are ultra-sensitive stimuli such as light, sound, texture, and flavor. Some develop very limited diets. It is important to head this off by offering a variety of nutritious food and not giving in to tantrums for McDonald's french fries at every meal.

Emotionally, he is likely to be behind his age peers. This is evident in the blanket and cup issue. Our daughter also clung to her blanket for many years. By school age, she could leave it at home, but had to have it to sleep.

It is very important for you to seek a professional evaluation for your son and get him a diagnosis. As soon as he is diagnosed, your school district is obligated to provide early intervention and therapy for him. Occupational therapists will focus on communications and social skills. "Social stories" are very effective for kids his age. These little books teach one skill at a time.

Now, some parenting advice. You need to grow a thick skin quickly. His behavior will, at times, be embarrassing. Trust me, he's doing the best he can. Do not let others make you feel like a bad parent because your son has A.S. It is not your fault. I don't believe that vaccines cause it. Our daughter was born different and so was your son. You need to establish firm rules that take into account his problems. Example: it is not ok to hit anyone at any time. This means you can't hit either. Time out or loss of a toy is appropriate as a consequence. Physical punishment is not a very effective method with A.S. kids. Consequences need to logical. Check out the "Love and Logic" program <www.loveand logic.com>. It saved our family.

Learn to anticipate the triggers of acting out such as loud noise or florescent lights. If lights are a problem, provide him with a hat when you go out. Ear plugs can help with sound in grocery stores and in the car. Teach him to recognize his emotions as they emerge. Most people with autism are unaware of their feelings until they become overwhelming, then they have an outburst. If you see him getting frustrated, talk to him about how his body feels: tight stomach, hot face, etc. Let him know that telling someone he is angry is ok and better than throwing a fit. The best treatment for tantrums is to walk away and ignore it.

Most importantly, don't isolate him at home. He needs to get out into the world and learn as much as any other child. Supervise his play time with other children. You can't turn your back especially if he is with younger, weaker kids. He can learn to get along, it's just that each rule must be learned in each circumstance. He may learn that sharing his toy shovel is right in the sand box. That does not mean he will generalize this to sharing his toy car at home. Over time, he'll build up a broad set of rules to live by. It is slow going but it can happen with help.

Sorry this is such a long reply. Your son is so much like our daughter it brings back many memories. Please know that he can grow up to be a successful adult. You are his best advocate. Never give up on him and be prepared to fight for the educational accommodations he will need. Learn the federal law governing Individual Education Plans. It is the key to navigating the public school system.

Here are some links to Internet sites where you can find more information:

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html (many links to books, articles and resources)

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and
government links)

http://www.autism.org/temple/meds.html (about medication)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/as/asteachersites.html (teaching resources)

http://www.rettdevil.com (a discussion board for parents and persons with neurological and developmental disorders)

Best wishes,
Catherine