Expert: James Michael Roan - 12/18/2005

Question
Hi.

I have an adult friend and I wonder if he might have Aspergers Sydrome.

I understand a bit about the sydrome from reading about it on the net. At one stage I was an elementary school teacher (primary school teacher) and had a pupil who I think was later diagnosed with the syndrome. It was my first year teaching and although his special needs were recognised, a label was never put to his condition. One thing I do vividly remember about the boy was that he wouldn't look me in the eye, which I later read is a symptom of the syndrome I think. He lived a lot in a world of his own. Yet he seemed to be quite happy with this.

Anyway, my friend's ways aren't as extreme. Yet, I understand there can be more mild versions of the condition.

My friend is married. His wife works and he stays at home and minds the children. He said to me one day he might never work again as he is too old and he has suffered from depression. I can understand it if he doesn't want to work. But he is only 43 and it struck me as a peculiar statement. He does have trouble with depression, although he leads a pretty busy life and enjoys visiting friends. He has been on several types of medication for depression. I know he sometimes has outbursts of anger.

Yet, some of his ways are more extraordinary. I'll realte the kind of things to you that he says and does that seem to relate to the kinds of behaviours I've read about Asperger's Syndrome...

Firstly he has one main obsession - a particular TV science fiction show. I think he has about $20 000 worth of associated memoribilia and dvds, videos to do with the show. He talks about the show all the time and introduces the show into conversations that have nothing to do with it. He seems somewhat intolerant of people who don't like the show. He told me he is aware of this and is trying to accept that some people don't like it.

Another thing is he shops for dvds all the time. He buys them all the time. Including using a friends credit card to buy additional ones his wife doesn't know about due to her wanting him to limit his buying.

He also expects things to be a certain way. For example when he visits our house which he does about once a week - he has been entertaining me with dvds while I've been ill with a chronic illness - he expects everything to be a certain way. He expects the ice to be ready for drinks, his 'special glass' to be there and bowls - one big and one small to be out and ready and if they're not he seems to get anxious and annoyed.

He seems to be very attatched to his possessions, often each one - even his underpants have a special story associated with them. If the calendar day has not been turned over in our house he wants to do it. And if the microwave clock is not set right he wants to alter it. He said to my mother one day, 'You're microwave clock time is wrong, can I change it for you?' She said, 'Oh it doesn't matter we never use." He said, 'I would feel a lot better if you let me alter it'. I wondered if he was just practising his assertiveness skills. But otherwise it seemed to me a peculiar way to behave in someone elses house.

Our friendship is built around my developing interest in the science fiction show he is obsessed with. He knew my parents thgouh goind to the same church. He comes around to our house and we watch some dvds together. After he'd been to our house once or twice(I'm an adult but live with my parents)he asked if he could see my bedroom. Considering our type of relationship and our ages I thought this was a bit unusual. I could understand kids asking this of one another but not adults in our kind of relationship.

Another thing is that he seems to take things more literally. He sometimes says something without giving enough information. He will assume that you know stuff which it's obvious that the average person wouldn't know but he doesn't bother to explain it. Then he gets a bit frustrated that you don't understand him.

He spends vast amounts of time chatting to people on the internet. And then he does things like ring them up on the otherside of the world to cheer them up because they had a row with their boyfriend. These are people he's never met in real life.

He has some other obsessions too like underwear (which I guess could be at a more normal level - I don't know).

He does love certain foods. And he often has stories associated with them too. He hates vegetables and eats what I think is a bit of an unhealthy diet.

He does certain socially inappropriate things, for example when he comes he sometimes stays for dinner and we have fish and chips (a type of take away). After a couple of weeks he said to my father who buys them 'this time could I have a decent peice of fish'. My father always pays for them so it seemed a bit inappropriate for him to say his as the best fish is a lot dearer.

My friend has no problem with eye contact. However, he often flicks his toes when he's sitting watching tv.

What do you think? Sorry I've written a long message. Another of his acquantances told him they thought he had Aspergers due to his obsession with the TV show. However, he thought this was funny - didn't take it at all seriously.

His wife is a general doctor. It seems to me that if he did have a problem it would be better for him to know about it and that would help him understand and manage the problem better. I am surprised in a way his wife hasn't picked up on it, but being a general doctor maybe she doesn't know about it.

I wondered about saying something to him but I don't want to offend him.

What do you think?

Thanks. Steve.  

Answer
Hi Steve;

I think you are being a very good friend. Although I don't diagnose over the internet, I can see your friend has many characteristics associated with Asperger's Syndrome (AS):

A. Concrete cognitive style
B. Low social cognition/competence along with low "theory of mind"
C. Obsessive-compulsive behaviors
D. Restricted/narrow range of interests
E.Depression

I have met many adults with AS who are very relieved to find that their difficulties are not unique to them but are shared by millions of others. If he chooses, he should contact someone who is very knowledgeable about AS to make sure he gets a correct diagnosis.

Depression in adults with AS often results in suicide, so I take this condition very seriously.

Happy Holidays!

Kind Regards,

James