Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 6/19/2006

Question
My oldest son harry is 5 1/2 years old and has been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.He has been in a main stream school with support since last september and doing very well except he still has violent outbursts for no apparent reason.He is prone to hitting and scratching more than anything and does this at home as well as at school.He can be happily playing or working then just turn round and lash out.This is particularly worrying as he now does the same to his 12month old brother.They will be playing happily then he will just punch him. any idea how we can stop this we have tried rewarding good behaviour , ignoring him after hes done it, kind hands,etc nothing seems to work...he says sorry straight away, but doesnt mean it as will do it again. were afraid hes going to alienate himself from the otherkids who still want to play with him.  

Answer
Hi Nadine,

This is a common problem for children on the spectrum.

It is believed that those with autism lack what is called "theory of mind" meaning they do not have any clue that other people have thoughts or feelings nor do they have any idea what those feelings/thoughts might be. They don't really understand their own feelings nor do they have a wide range of emotion to choose from. Their emotions are kind of simple; happy, sad, and mad just about covers it. They also lack the ability to predict the outcome of events, their own actions or those of others.

So,you can see how this disconnect can lead to unpredictable behavior on the part of the autistic child. Whatever he/she feels at the moment gets acted upon.

This can be taught to him, over time. Be aware that even "normal" 5 year olds don't have much self control and little empathy. So, be watchful and prevent as much as you can. Protect the younger siblings. Vigilent parenting is just part of the package.

Unfortunately, you are not going to be able to keep him from alienating other children most of the time. His teachers can explain that he does not know about others' feelings, but remember, they are talking to five year olds. Close supervision of play time can help a great deal, but incidents will happen.

I do want you to know that many high-functioning autistic and Asperger's kids usually learn to make a few friends when they get to adulthood. For one thing, adults are more understanding and less judgemental and for another, Universities have more than the average population of spectrum individuals because they tend to excel in mathematics, music, computer science and the like. Birds of a feather, so to speak.

Over time, your son can develop more emotional depth and understanding. I have observed that there is about a 3 year age lag in this development in girls and a year or two more in boys. So, look for 5 year old emotional skills around age 9. This sounds discouraging but the gap tends to close after age 20 or so.

Also, read up on adolescence and autism. You will need to be prepared for the hormone surge. Seems kind of early, but you can teach some skills now that will pay off later.

Here are some web sites to explore. Follow links and read, read, read. Knowledge is your best ally.

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and government links)

http://www.autism.org/temple/meds.html (about medication)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

http://www.autismasperger.net/intro.htm (Stephen Shore’s web site)

http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/as/asteachersites.html (teaching resources)

Best wishes,
Catherine