Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment/Negative Feelings- Law of Attraction


Hi Rita. I wish you well and greatly appreciate the time you put into sharing your wisdom.

You said to accept where I am right now. I am having a hard time finding something to appreciate and where I am feels like between a rock and a hard place. There is nothing I can look at to bring me peace, its intangible. I feel so much frustration, and anger because I am not using my abilities the right way or while I am I feel things are moving super slow and when I look at pictures of what I want I get angry. I couldn't even say I'm grateful for my children because I feel I cannot provide for them the way a mother would like to and that they would be just as well without me. I feel I have failed them and chosen the wrong man to father them again and again no matter how careful I have tried to be. I began a relationship and we decided I wouldn't work because it would be expensive. Not having complete financial freedom is vexing and humiliating.

He told my children the only reason they are here is because of me. He has also said other rude cruel things. I feel like he is verbally abusive and being here vs being homeless until I can get on my own feet is the same. I honestly don't think I can be happy with him. I feel hopeless trying to stay positive when every day he finds something to confront the kids about it could be the smallest thing, he nags them about it vs. using positive reinforcement or simple discipline. On the contrary I feel like no matter where I go because of my state I may attract the same things until I find a way to love myself. There are more things that bother me but I think I'll stop here.

I have felt happy but its kind of like a see saw. I'm up then I'm down. I try to be cordial and he insists on belligerency nagging and nagging.

Dear Lynn,

Glad you reached out to me.  It sounds like you are finding yourself in a difficult spot- a crisis point. And believe it or not, this is something to appreciate.  Why?

Crisis is a terrible thing to waste.  Crisis is an opportunity to move differently, think differently, feel differently, be differently.  IF, you decide to.  

WHen you are feeling like you are between a rock and a hard place, you are in a "story".   What's a story?  A story is something we think is the truth, but it's not.  It is a habitual way of thinking and perceiving our lives that is so powerful, it seems and feels like the truth.  Let me be more specific so you can get the hang of this.

At this moment, your "truth" is that you can't appreciate anything because you are in relationship with a man who nags you, is negative, and is confrontational with your kids.  Your "truth" is that you can't provide for your children and they are just as well without you.  Your "truth" is that you don't have freedom because of your financial circumstance.  You get the idea here.

This may be your reality for this moment, but it has been created by a story in your head out of default habit.  Your belief system has created all of this.  Here's the good news:  If you are sick and tired enough of this, you can change your belief system bit by bit and then your reality will change as well.

To do this, you must be willing to be uncomfortable.  You must be willing to question everything you believe in your life.  You must be willing to take steps into the unknown- even if you are frightened.  Are you willing to do that to change your life?  If you are just a little willing, you can do it.

Step 1: Question your ability to appreciate your present life.  Can you appreciate the sun in the morning?  Hot water coming from the pipes in your home?  Can you appreciate that you created children even if you don't feel so great about yourself at this moment?  Can you appreciate that each one of your children also has his/her own journey in this world and that being with you (and even in this situation), is part of his/her journey?   Can you appreciate that this partner that you have chosen for this time is only reflecting the parts of you that you don't want to look at?  His criticism is only a reflection of your own inner critic.  His cruelty is only a reflection of how cruel you can be to yourself?  I know that sounds tough, but if you were better to yourself, you would not be with such a person.  It doesn't mean that you are a weak person, but it doesn't mean that you BELIEVE that you can't leave and be OK without this person.  If you can't leave, that's OK- don't be cruel to yourself about this.  If you can just let go of beating yourself up about not being able to leave at this moment, the time will come where you can leave.  You will recognize the opportunity and take it.  However, if you are cruel to yourself (ie criticize yourself for where you are), you will not take the opportunity to leave-OR you will move right back in with another partner that is cruel to you.

So, question how you are looking at everything at this moment.  Be grateful for the littlest things.  Appreciate this seemingly hard time as an opportunity to see what's really true and what's a story within yourself.  If you can do just that, things change.  They always will change, but if you are stuck in your story about your life, nothing will appear to change at all.

Step 2:  Stop blaming others.  Your partner may be cruel and nagging, but he's just doing what he does.  He probably has done this in other relationships and had it done to him.  You can tell him what you like and don't like.  Don't take it personally.  Don't blame yourself- you are doing what you've been doing for a while as well.  Don't take personally what you are doing either.  In other words, if you see yourself going into that hopeless place- just observe yourself doing that.  Don't panic or try to get out of it.  Just watch it.  As you become more of an observer of your inner state, you will start to see patterns.  You will not feel like a victim of your inner or outer life.  You will stop blaming yourself or others for what's going on.  You will move through your feelings and thoughts in surprising ways.  Miraculous things can unfold.

Observe your life- how you are feeling, what you are thinking, and what you are doing -with curiosity.  

If you can do those two steps,  you're on your way.  I'm happy to speak with you on the phone, if you'd like to chat about it or get more steps.  Let me know and I'll send you my number and we'll find a time.

Hope this helps,

Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Rita Desnoyers-Garcia


I can answer questions about abundance, the law of attraction, peace, and love. My passions are about how to access the Higher Self/Source, spiritual development, relationships. I can't answer questions about how your future will turn out.


I have gone through my own spiritual transformation and am a coach and teacher to many women, especially mothers, who are seeking a better connection to Source and joy in their lives. I was living a life of quiet desperation as a suburban mother of three, when I hit a big crisis. I had read and learned from metaphysical teachers about how to connect with who you really are before, but until I hit bottom, I didn't really understand. I then started to work with a coach and studied many teachers when I had a transformation that led to my inspiration to help others.

http://www.ezinearticles.com, Inner Realm magazine, The Motherlode magazine. I have authored a book and online course called "Extraordinary Abundance: Ten Simple Ways to Uncover the Richness of Your Life" and the CD "The Forest Meditations"

I have a Masters of Social Work from Columbia University and a 10 year career working with women focusing on helping them reach their potential. I have read extensively about the Law of Attraction, accessing the Now, belief work, releasing techniques, accessing peace and abundance. I had used this material on myself and others with amazing results.

Past/Present Clients
Most of my clients are mothers who are searching for a deeper,more meaningful life for themselves and their families. I also work with women and men who are looking for guidance and support with personal and business issues.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.