Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment/Holy Relationships


Hi Delilah,

I'm a fairly new student of the Course (just starting chap 27 of the text and lesson 34 of the workbook) but my life has been profoundly impacted in the most positive way as a result of my studies. My partner/spouse is also a student who started studying a short time after I did.
Overall, our relationship has grown beyond anything either of us expected. We are "real" with each other in a whole different way-individually and together we have given our relationship over to the Holy Spirit for guidance and purpose.
I'm writing because there's a huge imbalance in our application of the lessons. She tells me often how hard it is to apply and she doesn't know what to do when she's faced with attack thoughts, ego, etc. She sees herself as a victim of circumstance instead of inventor of illusions. So she feels powerless to help herself. We've discussed all of this many times, but she has not put forth the effort to truly apply and believe in her own power.
How can I respond to her in a way that's encouraging without being preachy and without compromising my own growth? Doing the workbook has given me insight into certain things that she hasn't accepted yet (she hasn't done any workbook lessons) and as much as I like sharing with her, at this point, I feel like she resents my choice of peace (and when I reference the Course in regards to her perceived problem) because now I find it difficult to join with her when she's angry, frustrated, defeated, etc. I'm concerned I'll appear "holier than thou" or nonchalant, but my spirit just isn't in that place anymore.

Thanks for your help!

Aloha Rese:

Thank you for your question.  Whether you are new to the Course, or a long-time student, everyone struggles with these same issues.  The ego is all about seeing others as enemies and projecting off onto them your own sin, guilt and fear.  What the Course instructs is for each of us to take back our own projections (judgments) from others and go back into the mind where they can be corrected (forgiven).

In ACIM, everything is always about the mind (content) you are choosing to perceive things with.  The split is between the ego and God and you use one of those as cause for every effect; and that includes relationships in our lives.

Forms, behaviors and things, are never addressed in the Course.  They are part of the illusion from miscreating with the ego mind.  Therefore, they are not real.  Only Love is real.  We ask for Love by being willing to give up all judgments of the ego which corrects the mind.  That is ACIM forgiveness.

So, what your partner is, or is not doing, how he or she is reacting is irrelevant.  It is how you feel about it that is for you to correct in your mind.  First, you have to realize that if another bothers you in any way, you are projecting and take that back, i.e., take responsibility for what you are perceiving (seeing).  Then practice forgiveness.

The whole point of the Course is that correction of the mind (forgiveness) is the only solution for every problem.  All are treated exactly the same.  Having taken back your projections, make the decision to go to the Holy Spirit with every judgments and give those to Him for correction.  That is choosing Love.  The decision making ability is the greatest power against the ego.

That is the part you are supposed to play in correcting your mind.  Remember, the Course says no error has occurred so neither you nor your partner have done anything wrong.  He or she is merely reflecting your judgments and giving you an opportunity to give those up.

In ACIM, the distinction is also made between special relationships of the ego and Holy Relationships.  Absolutely ALL relationships are special until you choose to make them Holy; and those are merely relationships where you withdraw from projections (perceptions of errors, judgments, attack, etc.) and practice forgiveness (correcting your own mind).  It only takes one of you in the relationship to do this.

Everything that happens in your life is a forgiveness opportunity, even this.  If you can practice your correction of mind, you’ll find better ways to communicate with your partner.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you.  He will give you the words you need in any given moment; but first you have to turn to Him and ask and then wait for an answer.  Yes, you can get an immediate answer if you turn completely in your mind to the strength of God and not the weakness of the ego.

Aloha nui loa,
Delilah Jaemes

Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment

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Delilah Jaemes


I answer all questions regarding A Course in Miracles - ACIM which is taught on two levels - the metaphysics (theory) and practical application in our daily lives where we come to understand the meaning of the text. There's no way around you having to do the hard work even if you ask for clarification about the Course or how to apply the principles to your daily life or a situation. Please note: I do not answer for those in personal crisis and in need of counseling as the kindest thing can be for you to receive help on that level and then come back to the Course when you are able. This is not a race or competition to get it first. We're all in this together for we are a part of each other so please be kind and gentle to yourself and others.


I have a website: http://spiritualguidancecoach.com and there I have posted numerous articles authored by me (which are available on EzineArticles.com as well). My website also contains Youtube videos and a Quote of the Week that is changed every Sunday. You are welcome to contact me through the website as well as here and I will email a response. Please check the blog for past questions and answers, videos, articles, etc. Further information about my experience is available on my website; however, as always, experience of studying the text (theory) and putting what it says into practice is how we gain that 'experience' over lots of time - yet we all remain both students and teachers until the end of our journey.

I don't belong to organizations. In my experience, most of the groups and organizations for A Course in Miracles are not practicing the Course. They are practicing the ego - specialness and differences - and they are turning the Course into a religion (without realizing they are doing so) and therefore distorting it's true meaning. The Course is individual practice and groups are merely for socializing and practicing forgiveness. I personally refer to the Foundation for A Course in Miracles (FACIM) and the Foundation for Inner Peace; but I don't view them as an organizations but rather as a place for clarification since they stay true to the Course.

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I have studied about the ego most of my life and been a student and practitioner of A Course in Miracles since the early 1990's. The Course is something that takes a lifetime to practice and learn, so remember that everyone is a teacher and student at the same time. Only when we actually put the Course into practice and study the text do we come to understand what it means. I will answer to the best of my ability and learning; and I will do my best to get out the way and let the Holy Spirit answer you in the way most helpful to you. It is actually His job to be your teacher (instead of the ego) if you will allow Him; and so the only way for me to be helpful is to let Him be in charge.

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