Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment/Why cant I ever get a break and have things go right?
QUESTION: I have someone I love very much but she is not mine, but a friend, and she has loved me and wanted me. I never thought she would leave me but she did. Things started improving between us and I thought things would go fine and i was happy thinking I could finally get a chance to move and be with her but then they would go wrong all over again every time things improved no matter what I expected whether it was good or bad expectations. Most of my friends are repelled by me now. Hardly anyone wants to even talk to me despite me being kind to them and caring and loving for them. Its like I am constantly being punished by the entire world when I did not do anything wrong to these people. I fail at every aspect in my life. Im very depressed and anxious but even if I try to delude myself into thinking things are well they do not really improve but situations just get worse constantly.
ANSWER: Dear Mike!
Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you are really going through it! Your email tells me a lot about why things are not going so well for you. You don't see anything going right! In other words, your whole email was about how bad it is. Here is your task, if you are willing to take it on.
You will make a list every morning and every evening of things, people, situations, parts of your yourself for which you are grateful. You must make a list of 5 things each time without repeating!
That's it for now. Do that for 2 weeks and get back to me. Don't try to use this to change anything about your life or situation or yourself. Just make the lists twice a day for two weeks. See what happens.
If you are willing to do this, lots can shift. If you are not, then you are not ready to make a shift.
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QUESTION: But that was my point. I did not think of only bad ALL the time. I had a few times when I was happy and thought everything was going to go my way then disaster came anyway. How would you explain that?
Great! You had some times when you were happy...then life happened. That's life. You are constantly creating contrast to create new desires within you. That's expansion. So, the trick is to not let contrast (what happens on the outside) to trip you up.
I'll use myself as an example. Today I'm recovering from a nasty mother of a head cold. I'm talking "I thought I was going to die and get me to bed" head cold. I'm on day 4 of this thing and I'm slowly recovering. Surely, this is not life threatening, but it could be an excuse for me to spiral down into victimhood, complain mode, and general "life sucks" attitude. Here is my strategy. Head colds happen to people from time to time. It happened to be my turn. When I'm sick, it's an opportunity to take stock, get rest, have a revelation, let things go, get taken care of etc. That's it. I'm not making it a "disaster". My ego is not creating a big story about terrible it is. Well, at least I'm not letting that story influence me.
It's not about not feeling when "bad" stuff happens. It will happen and it may feel bad to you. It's about looking for the opportunity in the moment.
Regarding your particular situation with your friends. If your friends are repelled by you (and that is your perception, unless they actually told you that), and you were nothing by kind to them, are they really your friends? Maybe it's time to make some new friends. The first place to start is with yourself. I know it sounds cliche but be your own best friend. You said you fail in every aspect of your life. Is that really true? That doesn't sound like something a friend would say to another friend.
Do the exercise I stated above in the previous email. If you are looking for something more, check out The Work by Byron Katie.
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QUESTION: Okay I think Ive done it for about two weeks now. I did not start right away. Some days I forgot to do but other days I did 15 or 20 and rarely sometimes 25 things a day rather than 10 (5 twice). I only feel slightly better but I feel like I just tricked myself into feeling things might go the way I want again. I still have not heard a word from those who distanced themselves but at least one friend I hadn't talked to for a week showed up for a bit. I still haven't been able to easily act without fear of situations worsening or doing actions in vein. Now what?
Well done! You did the exercise. It's best to do the list for more days than do a bunch more for less days because the idea here is to train your mind to focus on what's working and not on what's not working...so yes, you are tricking yourself yourself into feeling things are going better. It's the same when you are focused negatively...you are tricking yourself to focus on what's not working. Can you see that they are the same? In other words, one is not more of a reality than another.
You said you felt slightly better.. good! Keep doing your list twice a day- 5 items minimum.
So, one friend showed up for a bit...not a coincidence...your vibration has been quite low due to anxiety and depression, so the fact that one person is coming around shows you that perhaps that vibration is rising a bit. It may take some time.
Here's another exercise to practice over and over again. This one is also about training your brain to create new synapses. You said that you have not been able to easily act without fear. That's OK...that may stay in place, but here's what will change. Feel the fear...don't get lost in the fear, but don't repress it or suppress it. Just observe how the fear comes, rises, and then eventually declines. Just sit with it. Don't try to do something to get rid of it. Acknowledge it. Say hello to it. It's there to help you grow.
Practice, when you feel anxiety, to sit and allow yourself to just feel it and see what happens. It will not kill you. It may feel uncomfortable. You may feel your heart race and your breathing become rapid, but just be with it.
I had a lot of anxiety that ruled my life in ways I couldn't even comprehend. When I started and continued to do this exercise whenever I felt anxiety, it changed the whole game. I stopped becoming a victim to my anxiety. How does that sound to you? Are you feeling excited or anxious?
Change can bring up anxiety because it allows for the unknown (one of our biggest universal fears). It's OK...just let it come up, watch it rise, and eventually fall.
Do that for two weeks with the gratitude list and see what happens.
ps I've withdrawn my name from AllExpert. I'm actually surprised I got your email. If you want to continue, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org I work from a gift model. If you're interested in continuing, you can read about it at www.BecomingAwake.com (About section- gift cafe)