Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment/Terrible Fear of Death and the Dying Moment


Hello Denis,

I have a genuine fear of the death, dying moment, and what happens after death, I'm so terrified and I can't get it out of my mind.  I've been thinking so deeply about how old I am now, like my life is so finite, and this fear is escalating in me and I can't seem to stop it, no matter how much I meditate or pray.  I'm a 60 years old female who is careful with a balanced diet of good foods, regular exercise and do everything I can to keep myself in good health.  

I would like advice on what happens at the moment of death, if people die in terror and incredible pain (which is what I've seen) And how long the terror lasts and when I die where will I end up as something tells me I might not end up where I hope to be in the Afterlife.  I don't know why I feel this way and I'm hoping you can help me with this, I am a genuine caring person and always try to do the right thing and help people rather than harm.  Why am I so terrified of Death?  Can you help me please?

Please help !

Hello Karen,
I saw your question and dropped everything, because you shouldn't be suffering like that. You seem to have fallen into a hole there and I'll be only too happy to try and help you out of it as best I can. Being another spiritual person, I am obliged to do this, as you will see when you read on.

The first thing I'll say is your 60-ish, you eat well and you keep active. If you stop worrying about dying and enjoy life, there's no reason you can't live another 40 years. So, who worries about dying 30 or 40 years before it's scheduled. Secondly, it's not a scheduled event and children, teenagers, single, married, divorced, widowed and people who just can't be bothered, die every moment of every day. If we are stupid and do stupid things, death is very close but if we're careful, as you are, death can also be very far away.

Death is not necessarily a bad thing, unless the timing is all wrong and we can't finish something important. We are not immortal and each of us needs to accept that when it does come, it comes, but it's not something we should be afraid of nor invite in. There is something of a paradox in that, if you worry so much about dying that it eventually kills you, then death will be your own release. You won't give a hoot afterwards because you'll be somewhere else and you won't even remember dying. Don't you see the futility in that?

I'm assuming you're a spiritual person but you haven't told me if your religious or whatever, but truly spiritual people have no fear of death at all. We're not stupid though and we don't invite it in and we're not immune to physical pain.

Being spiritual means that this physical world is a cage for us. We are given our own spirit nature, then we are physically born. We then live and hopefully have a productive time with family before having a family of our own. We give to our family and to our friends and occasionally we overflow and give to others. sometimes we need something and the goodness of others flows into us. I don't know what Church, Synagogue, Mosque or Temple you might visit sometimes but no-one can ask any more of anyone in this life and if they do, they probably live a useless life. The greatest fear a spiritual person can have is leaving no one behind to cherish their memory. When all is said and done, that is the true worth of all our lives and there is nothing more valuable anywhere. It does mean that we have a duty to share our lives with others and improve their existence in whatever small way we can, so that they in turn can keep our memory valuable because as I said, we all live and therefore we all die. It won't matter to us then, because we'll all be long gone, but here, and for those we leave behind, our memories are all that will be left.

Some spiritual people welcome death as a release from this physical world and its oppression. Others simply get tired of it and willingly move on. For people of good spirit, like you, there is a need for the spirit to return to where it came from. There is no other place. There is no hell, there is no limbo. I can prove this with a piece of logic. Whoever made us had to do it from outside this physical place because this place will also die and in time, a long time, life will not be possible here for anything. Our spirit nature isn't physical, so there is only one place it can go and that's home. Bad people and those with no spiritual nature don't go to hell because there isn't any hell. They just die as all physical things do and then they feel no more pain. Without a spirit nature, there is no going home for them but they'll never know about it, or miss it, they'll just be gone. That's it in a  nutshell. It's written somewhere that we know not the day nor the hour and to be honest, i think that's a good thing.

Though people of good spirit have nothing to fear from death, there is always the fear of dying because it can obviously be an unpleasant experience but my own mother once told me that everyone dies just once. You are putting yourself through it every day by obsessing about it, which is not good for your body or your spirit. You are needlessly tormenting yourself. There are statistics and what you'll find is the vast majority of people die quietly. They fall asleep and go home. Some are unfortunate and die in pain but our physical body is not the stupid thing we think it is. If we suffer severe pain, it has evolved to shut down and we lose consciousness. If it is our turn to die, it's like sleeping and going home.

You do have a duty, and yours, as a spiritual person, is to create great memories with other great spiritual people so that you can hold their memories just as they will hold yours. That's how we create other spiritual people because they will try to be like us. They will one day say "Karen is gone home. wasn't it great that she was able to enjoy her time with us so well? They will shed a tear, but they will also try to live like Karen. They will do the things you did in your memory and because you are a good person, they will be better people for knowing you.

I have no idea what my Creator will say to me when I get to knock on the pearly gates but I have the notion that there won't be a long interview as long as someone here can shed a tear for me. If that someone is as innocent as a child, then I have no worries.

Before I go and wish you an enjoyable life, I think you might have suffered the trauma of seeing someone die who didn't die too well. That doesn't mean we all go the same way. We all struggle to bring our spirit into this world when we are born and some of us even die doing it. The things we must do in this physical place are not always easy and sometimes, as you know, they can be very hard. If such difficulties confront us we must use our spirit to our advantage and trust it. Learn to trust your spirit as you live. Do this by seeing how it freely guides you to help others while all the time you are also helping yourself to live a full and complete life. When your time comes, you won't hesitate to let it guide you on because it is always the strongest and most unbreakable connection between here and infinity and it knows it's own way home.

Live well and be an inspiration to those who will follow your example Karen. If you need something more, then don't hesitate to come back here. We already know each other in spirit, which makes us relations of a sort.

Spiritual Awakening, Growth, and Enlightenment

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Denis McClean


Any question that is challenging to logic, life experience and insight. No magic and no mysticism. Genuine questions deserve genuine answers otherwise, no one will come back to ask a second question. The basic premise is that this subject attracts genuine seekers. Time wasters tend to focus on more superficial /materialistic subjects. I look forward to offering insights to the kind of people who are not to be fobbed off. I am not afraid to be educated either because out there is someone who can be amazed but who can also amaze.


I have written book on the subject and in doing so did quite a lot of research. Additionally, the kind of focus needed to produce a work of quality has produced no small measure of insight or even revelation if you will. Not mystical stuff but the result of hard work and total focus covering as many aspects as is humanly possible. As stated, if I don't know I am more than willing, even compelled, to engage the questioner so we can both get teh answer together, elsewhere. Bottom line ... we will get to the nub of the problem.

MMmmm. Humanity mainly. Just one human race because there is no other. This is a trick question because to answer questions on my chosen subject would not be helped by belonging to specific groups with specific thought sand behavioral patterns. I am married so I know about kids and wives. I was divorced so I know about conflict and eventually, compromise. I was happy so I can engage. I was sad so I can also sympathize. I am curious so I understand why people ask questions. I am spiritual so I know what drives people to look for improvements to themselves through the application of wisdom.

I have written quite a bit on aviation training but I only mention this so you will know that I have trained in explaining things. No point in knowing something if you can't put it over ... right? I might also put myself down for explaining aviation but as I said, aviation people tend to be multi-ethnic, knowledgeable and very tolerant of others because we were also difficult people to get along with. People who have their heads in the clouds tend to be thinkers and reflectors and that should make us a good source of accumulated knowledge. look at http://www.denismcclean.com for a start.

Basically an aviation expert but bear with me. Aviation tends to bring people to the ends of the Earth and into contact with lots more ethnic groups than you meet in the local shopping mall. Living with diverse cultures and religions gives a lot of exposure and a lot of opportunity to explore the whole subject of humanity. All us genuine humans on genuine quests need to share our knowledge database so we can answer, or approach questions that are common to us all.

Awards and Honors
Airman Certificate, Managerial Certificate, Trainer Certificate but most important a Human Certificate

Past/Present Clients
That is a good question because in my last book I was commissioned by no lesser entity than God to re-brand his image and then sell it to people. I also got some good inside knowledge by return, all of which I am obliged to share as part of teh experience.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.