Expert: XR - 1/4/2008

Question
I had this girlfriend for 6 weeks, and we were pretty good friends before we
entered into a sexual relationship. She told me she was into S&M, and I told
her I have never played before, and she said she was an "expert, and thats all
she knows", and I put my trust into her not to ever hurt me. The first and time
we had an S&M sexual encounter she asked if I was ok with it, (she never
asked for permission again) and I said yes, and then I asked, "Why do you
want a contract" and she said, "no, that I have had contracts before though".
Not knowing any better I figured since we were a couple it was ok not to have
one. 5 1/2 weeks into the relationship she pulled a knife out on me and cut
my right wrist causing me to get eight stitches, and I now have nerve
damage, and a HUGE scar. She told me to, "stop being a victim" after I got
stitches. I was never told about any rules like no drugs, drinking or that a safe
word was something you are allowed to have, and should have. She said if I
had one I would use it too much. She always wanted to be on high and drunk
when we played. I now have to go to small claims court and sue for medical
bills seeing how emergency room treatments aren't cheap. We also have
restraing orders against each other. I have quite a bit of people mad at me
now because of this. Am I doing the right thing by going to court, or is it my
fault for not doing research on S&M first?

Answer
The S&M community people that I know would have a fit if they heard about the behavior of your girlfriend. I don't know about the whole contract deal, but having a safe word is fundamental to safe play. I think the drugs and alcohol would be greatly frowned upon.
 I would rather recklessly advise that you see if you can locate a local BDSM community. You might find people willing to testify on your behalf that your girlfriend was operating in a totally irresponsible manner, and not in any way representative of the community. If you had done research you might have known that she was acting reckless and irresponsible, but that doesn't make this your fault. I feel you're doing the right thing.