Expert: arani_CsA - 1/20/2008

Question
QUESTION: My Dom and I are new to this and my master would like information on training an new slave, what steps to take in traning and any advice you might have to us would be appreciated thank you.

ANSWER: Hello...

Thanks for coming to me with your question.  i hope i can help you find the answers you are looking for.

Welcome to the wonderful world of slavery!  It can indeed be a wonderful life, if you have someone wonderful to share it with.  And learning together will only strengthen the bond between the two of you.

The first thing your Master should do is determine just how it is that he wants you to serve him.  Are you going to clean his house, do his laundry, provide sexual services, or go out and earn a living to support him financially?  Or maybe all of the above, or something else entirely.  

Part of your training should include how you are to address him, and how you should behave around him.  Some M/s couples incorporate a lot of ritual into their lives, others don't.  This might mean kneeling just inside the door when you arrive home, and asking permission to enter.  Or it might mean wearing no clothing while at home.  It might mean shaving your pubic areas, or going without underwear when out in public.  When my Master first collared me, i had a series of rituals that i had to perform every day, to help put me in mind of my slavery.  However, as time went by, most of those were taken away.  Now, if you were to come into our house, you would think we act just like many vanilla couples.  

One of the things that differentiates a slave from a submissive, in my opinion, is that often a slave doesn't have a lot of direction from the Master in what she is to do.  She must use her own imagination and powers of observation to figure that out for herself.  The Master will certainly tell her if she is not being pleasing, but he may or may not tell her what she needs to do differently.  Speaking strictly for myself, there are times when I feel I've failed as a slave if my Master has to tell me what to do.  But, again, that's something that is different with each couple.

I would like to speak a bit about punishment.  There will inevitably be a time when you are not pleasing, or have disobeyed him in some way.  Some Masters are very quick to punish, and some slaves crave that kind of treatment.  But my Master reserves punishment for times when I knowingly and deliberately disobey him.  Thankfully, this has only happened a couple of times during the 7 1/2 years that we have been together.  For the times when I make an honest mistake, or do something that reflects a lack of training on my part, all he needs to do is to let me know that i have been displeasing, and that is more than enough to make me want to do better.  A true slave will feel a great sense of guilt and remorse when she does wrong, and will do everything she can to avoid that.  Think of how you would raise a child, and that will help you think of how to train a slave.

Here are some good websites that will help you figure out what to do, in developing your relationship.  Read them together, and discuss them.
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://leathernroses.com
http://steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Lastly, try to find a BDSM group that meets in your area.  (You can find a list of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyre.com)  These groups will have on-line discussion groups, as well as off-line meetings and other events, where you can get to know other Masters and slaves, and talk to them and observe what they do.  These folks will respect your privacy, as long as you respect theirs.

Good luck to you both, and if you have any further questions, feel free to bring them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My master thanks you for the very quick answer. My master would like us to both work. I will be takeing care of the house, cooking, cleaning, laundary, and other chores he asigns. I am very pleased and happy to serve him. How did you learn or did you master teach you to anticipate his needs? Was there punishmen for not anticipating correctly? In many ways my master wants to show me off but also wants me sometimes to be his mental equal in conversation. He does not want me to become a mindless robot. Im not sure if this will fit into a Master/slave relationsip. Were there times when you had issues obeying or maybe found yourself resisting the control? Often i get confused because he has not been able to establish routines and guidelines, partialy because he is not sure what they shoudl be. Im sure im talking your ear off here but this is very helpful to us.

Answer
Hello...

i don't mind at all your questions.  i enjoy helping others discover the joy that i feel in my slavery.  

Slaves and submissives are not doormats.  Most Masters prize slaves who are able to think for themselves, and don't have to be directed at every step.  Oh, there are Masters who enjoy micro-managing their slaves, and there are slaves who thrive on that kind of treatment.  But there are others, like myself, who don't need or want it.  It is for each couple to figure out what works best for themselves.

How did I learn to anticipate my Master's needs?  Basically, through a lot of practice, and a few mistakes along the way.  The more time you spend with your Master, the more you will get a feel for what he likes, and what he enjoys.  Yes, he will probably have to tell you some things at first, like how he likes his coffee, or what time to have dinner ready.  But, as time goes by, you will be able to tell what kind of a mood he is in when he gets home, what kinds of things he likes to eat, how he likes for you to dress, and so on.  Sometimes this will mean learning a new skill, like taking cooking classes.  Or it might mean transforming yourself in some way, like a new hairstyle or losing weight.  I've heard it said that a submissive DOES what her Master wants, while a slave BECOMES what her Master wants.

How to start?  Try asking him.  Or, take a chance and do something, then see how he reacts.  Does he take second helpings of that new recipe you learned, or does he pick at it?  But i hope that he would not punish you for not guessing correctly what he would like, or making an honest mistake.  He might correct you, and tell you to do it differently next time, but as i said before, punishments should be reserved for flagrantly and deliberately doing something that goes against his rules.  

My Master also enjoys conversing with me on various topics, and even allows me to disagree with him at times . . . as long as i do so respectfully.  We have often engaged in some rather lively debates about current events or spiritual matters.  And, there are times when Master expects me to let him know if i don't like something, or if i have a problem with one of his commands.  I remember one night he instructed me to fix turnip greens for supper, and then told me to take some.  (i HATE turnip greens!)  Well, i did take a bite and promptly turned as green myself.  Master chuckled and then told me i didn't have to eat any more . . . but he was pleased that i had at least tried them.  And, since i am handicapped, he expects me to notify him when i am physically unable to do something.

One of the nice things about being a slave is that Masters are very protective of their property.  If you go to all the trouble to find a slave who suits you, and then train her just right, you want to make sure she stays healthy and safe so you don't have to go through all that again.  

Do i sometimes have problems obeying my Master?  Most definitely.  All slaves do at times.  It might be something as trivial as eating turnip greens, or it might be anal sex or requiring you to quit a job you really enjoy.  You shouldn't be expected to blindly obey without a question; you should feel free to express your concerns to your Master -- respectfully, of course.  Speak frankly about the reasons for your concerns, and ask your Master to reconsider his command.  Of course, he may still require you to obey, and then you just have to swallow your fears and do it.

There may be more serious issues that come up, though.  What if your Master commands you to serve another man sexually?  Or a woman?  What if he brings another slave into the house, and expects you to accept her as your chain sister?  These are the times when you need to sit down and really examine yourself, and decide whether you can accept the relationship on those terms.  Ideally, a slave should have a deep discussion with a prospective Master about things such as this, before the collar goes on.  But if, some day, you are confronted with an issue that you just can't resolve, there's nothing wrong with saying that you can't serve in this way, and leave the relationship.  We all have limits that can't be crossed.

i hope my answers have helped.  Again, good luck to you and your Master.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius