Expert: Mistress Violette - 10/6/2008

Question
I have been with my Master for over 8 years. During these past eight years we have been in some form of BDSM, however it has never totally worked out to where we both were working as a unit. I often feel disconnected from other Dom's and Subs because they do not bring the BDSM into their everyday lives. Just on the net.  My Master whom I love dearly says it shouldn't matter because he is here to teach me. Problem is its not enough for me. I need that connection from other slaves and submissive but how do I find that? There is a BDSM club here in my area but I am not sure that is what I am looking for at this time bc I am really shy.

Answer
Hello,

I think it's a good idea to connect with others who are involved in BDSM in the same way you are. It's helpful to be exposed to a variety of viewpoints and to learn from many others when possible. It's also beneficial to have a support system of others who understand your particular kink.

It sounds like you're looking for a BDSM support group. It would be a place to make friends, talk, learn, discuss. Usually get togethers are social only, although some groups or group members also have play parties. There are some long established groups such as People Exchanging Power (PEP) that have chapters in various cities. There are other groups that only serve a particular area. Some groups meet online as well as offline. It may be easier for you to interact with people online for a while before meeting them face to face, although most groups are very approachable offline. I would stay away from groups that meet online only because, as you've found out, many members of those are only BDSM when online.

The nearest group to you is only a search away. Try searching for "BDSM support group." That will give you a number of sites that list groups, usually by state. The presence of a BDSM club in your area says your location is probably urban. In that case, you might add your city to the search term. Here's one result from the general search to get you started: http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/support_groups.htm

It's great that you're looking to expand your horizons. Good luck and have fun!

Mistress Violette