Expert: CougarDomme - 10/14/2008

Question
I have started to build a strong relationship with my Master, i have only known him for a couple of months but can already feel myself falling for him in a big way.  This worries me as I know he has other subs and I am new to the scene and not sure whether I can handle this all.

Ideally i would like to be with someone in more of a proper relationship sense, although would like us both to play with others but I am not keen on him owning other subs.  Is this unacceptable?

My Master and I have built up a very trusting and open relationship, he has helped me grow in lots of ways and I feel we can really connect on lots of different levels in life not just bdsm, so feel that there is a possibility for us to continue and form a real relationship.  I know he really likes me too but am scared of getting in further before I get hurt.  I am also scared of admitting this to him and displeasing him, as this might not be what he wants.

As this is my first time I don't know what is acceptable and accepted behaviour - can you help?

Answer
NOTHING is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and it is acceptable to you. If it's not, it's not. REMEMBER: You always, ALWAYS, have the right to say, "no" even if you are collared. When looking for a Dom, find one who suits what you want and what you are looking for. Ask questions!! TONS of questions and expect answers. If he will not answer your questions, then run fast and far. Respect is essential in this lifestyle, and it is EARNED, not given, demanded or expected, both from you and to you. You are NOT required to accept anything. Don't settle. And multiple subs is not an essential part of this lifestyle either. If you don't wish to share your Dom with others, then say so. That is YOUR choice, not his. Also be suspicious of a Dom that does not want you to tell others who he is, he's hiding something. Training is specific to YOUR Dom, no one else can train you to be what he wants. Love is essential to this lifestyle as well...don't let anyone tell you it's not. "Playmates" are just that, I suppose a vanilla woman could call those she sleeps with "playmates". If that is acceptable to you, fine. If not, say no. Most lifestyle Dom/mes are not interested in doormats. I can buy a doormat at WalMart for five bucks. REMEMBER: You have a mouth, a backbone and a brain, use all 3 copiously. Do not grovel, whine, demand, crawl, kneel or offer the gift of your submission to any male. That devaluates your gift. There are FAR MORE Doms wanting subs that there are uncollared subs, so don't put up with bullshit for one minute!