Expert: Mistress Violette - 10/20/2008

Question
Good evening Mistress Violette,
I hope my question fits into a catagory you are familar with.
I have never had a slave or sub before, but have recently found that there are many men I know who have served before and are eager to serve again.  I am dominating in my vanilla life, and am eager to learn about and  experiement with being a Mistress.
I have the sub who is desperately wating for me to give him tasks.  My question is if you can offer me some tools to help me think of tasks for him or task that are popular and enjoyable to men.

Answer
Hello, Cid,

At this point, it sounds like you're interested in exploring kinky role playing rather than the power exchange that defines BDSM. There's nothing wrong with that and it's a good place to start. You'll have more fun if you decide on your own tasks, so here are some places to look for inspiration:

Start here: http://www.akashaweb.com/indexnew.html You don't have join. There are lots of stories and even some free training sessions you can use as examples. There's also a free section for female dominants. Almost everything you need should be right here.

If not, go to this site: http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html The author has a nice down to earth style and there's a page with some play examples. It's male dom/fem sub oriented but you can filter or rework some of the ideas so they work for you.

This is an excellent article on humiliation play, should that be something you're interested in trying: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/humiliation.htm

And, finally, this is another humiliaiton resource: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Humiliation/

If you want to dig deeper into power exchange, I have some favorite books I like to recommend. There are three for starters. The first is: The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance  by Lorelei

Lorelei is careful to explain that she's writing about domestic discipline rather than BDSM. To me, it's a difference in semantics and the book is helpful no matter how you label what you're doing. A bit of disclosure, I know the author personally and I recommend her book because she's a safe, sane, competent player.

The second book is: The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners  by Lady Green

It's definitely a book for beginners, not threatening and open minded. Lady Green is the source of one of my favorite quotes about BDSM, "If you ain't havin' fun, you ain't doin' it right."

And the third book is: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism  by Philip Miller and Molly Devon

Although written from a male dom/female sub point of view, this book works for all types of BDSM relationships and is great for technical help.

As you sample some of these resources you'll find things that appeal to you, which is what's important. It's the submissive's job to be useful or entertaining to you, not the other way around. So, let him wait until you decide what's going to happen and when. In other words, take your time, gather information and proceed at your own pace. Keep your play safe, sane amd consensual, of course, and make sure you're having fun.

Mistress Violette

Follow up to comments:

Thanks for your comment, Cid. Just to clarify, I don't have a form letter and I'm sorry you got that impression. The opening and closing paragraphs of my answer to you were written specifically in response to the information in your question. I have a number of sites/books that I recommend, depending on the question. I do use those over again, because they're good sources of information. I'm glad you found the information helpful and I wish you the best in your explorations.

Mistress Violette