Expert: arani_CsA - 11/22/2008

Question
greetings~
in your opinion, what are the differences between collaring a slave versus collaring a submissive?  i have been a collared slave for 4 years and it has been presented to me that being collared as a submissive has just as deep of a meaning.  Master wants to collar a submissive and it feels to me that this diminishes my collar, O/our relationship.  i would understand collaring another slave but am having trouble understanding that there is just as deep of a relationship with a sub.  thank you in advance for your response.

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your questions.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

At the heart of your question is an issue that people within the lifestyle have been arguing about for years, and I don't think will ever come to an agreement on.  That is how a slave is different from a submissive.  Personally, I don't think one person is any more right than another.  What we call ourselves really doesn't matter, it's how we feel and whether we agree with the person we choose to share our life with that matters.

I do take issue with your implication that a submissive is somehow less than a slave.  I have known many wonderful and admirable submissives, that I have only the greatest respect for.  That doesn't mean I would want to be like them, but I have to give them a lot of credit for knowing themselves well enough to know what they need and then doing what it takes to go out there and get it.  

Some people see a slave as an extreme submissive; they have more of that elusive quality called "submissiveness" than those of us who call ourselves slaves.  Others feel that because a submissive specifies limits, or areas in which she will not serve, then she isn't giving as much of herself.  Or that her commitment is not as great as that of the slave.  When I was active in the Gorean chat rooms, the worst insult that could be levelled on a slave was to say she was "just a subbie."

Well, I don't agree with those points of view.  While some slaves are indeed beautifully submissive, I don't think it is at all a requirement.  I don't have a submissive bone in my body, and neither do many of my slave friends.  And, yet, I have this incredible craving to be fully owned and controlled.  A slave is merely an owned person.  As consensual slaves, we are enslaved through psychological rather than physical means, but owned we are.  And a submissive can feel the same level of attachment to her owner, but just express that differently.

And a slave most certainly does have limits.  We all do, whether we realize it or not.  There are things that my Master has stated that he will not require of me, simply because I have a bad heart.  What makes me different from a submissive is that I didn't go into the relationship using that as a condition; I informed my Master as to my health problems, and trusted him to make that decision for me.  But I have been known to say "No" from time to time, if something comes up that neither of us had anticipated during the last 9 years.  

To say that a slave is somehow better than a submissive, in my opinion, is like saying that an orange is better than an apple.  The two simply cannot be compared to each other; both are entirely different creatures who have different needs.  There are very few in this world who can embrace the life of a slave, and blossom.  But, those who cannot do so are not any less than those who can.  If anything, they may even be better for being able to recognize and be comfortable with how they have been created, and for having the initiative to go out there and get it.  

Now, to address another point in your letter, that of whether your Master can or should collar a slave AND a submissive.  Recently, a friend of mine asked how far a slave's service should go.  I replied that it goes as far as the Master says it goes, period.  It is the Master's choice, and the Master's choice only, what is required of those he owns, and what is allowed to them.  And our responsibility, as slaves, is to accept the Master's choice and make it ours.  A horse does not complain because its owner buys a cow, and neither does a sports car complain because its owner buys a pickup truck.

In any poly relationship, each person in that relationship plays a different role.  One slave may go out and work to contribute to the household's financial status, one may stay home and clean the house and/or cook, another may raise the children, another may be the Master's play-thing when it comes to forms of S/m play that the others may not be able to participate in.  I am physically handicapped, and have often begged my Master to take another slave to help with the housework.  We have discussed taking a slave who can carry the child that I cannot.  And yet, the Master does not love any of his property less than the others.

To be honest, I think the root problem here is why you feel slaves are superior to submissives.  I think you need to spend some time speaking to submissives, and learning how they feel and what motivates them, and even learning from them.  I know that I have learned a great deal from my submissive friends, and have at times tried to emulate their behavior in my own relationship.  I mentioned before that I am not submissive by nature; I have learned (and am learning) how to change that with the help of my submissive friends.

Are you and your Master involved with a BDSM group in your area?  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyre.com  I would encourage you to find one of these groups, to be able to interact with others (slaves, submissives, and bottoms), and find out what drives them and why.  

Good luck to you, and if you have any further questions feel free to bring them to me.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius