Expert: arani_CsA - 11/11/2008

Question
Hello,
I am an inexperienced Domme, training-wise.  While I could possibly be
classified as a switch, I tend to top from the bottom, and prefer to be in
control of the situation at all times.  I am currently hoping to start a new
relationship with a woman who is a switch, with sub preferences.  As I
haven't had a chance to receive Domme training, and wish to ensure the
safety of my sub both physically and emotionally, my question is this; is there
a site that offers Domme advice, via messenger services?  I know things only
through research, and instinct, and would very much prefer to speak with an
expert on specific questions.

Thank you.

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your questions.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

I must applaud you for recognizing that you, as a Dominant, need training as much as your intended sub.  Too many people jump into the lifestyle without considering everything that is involved, and as a result people get hurt.  That said, I think the first place to start is to sit down and make a list of what skills you think a good Dominant should possess.  This can include not only things like how to deliver a good whipping without causing serious physical harm, but also things like how to set rules and how to earn her submission.  

I agree that the best way to do this is to speak with those who are experienced in the lifestyle.  But you should not limit your conversations to Dommes, but also to submissives.  Find out what characteristics they look for in a prospective Domme, and try to cultivate them in yourself.  Watch other Domme/sub couples, and see how they interact with each other.  The best place to do this is not on line, but face to face.  I suggest that you look for a BDSM group that meets in your area, and attend a few functions to get acquainted with the members.  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyre.com  

These groups will typically have an on-line forum at Yahoo or a similar site where they can chat and set up meetings.  These meetings will often consist of a "munch," or a social get-together at a local restaurant for food and fellowship.  When you get to know these people better, you may find yourself invited to their homes for a more personal kind of interaction (and possibly some fun and games).  You can see how couples interact (both Dom/sub and Domme/sub), and also make friends with other Dom/mes or find someone who would be happy to mentor you.  Be assured that these people will respect your privacy just as much as you respect theirs.

Good luck to you, and I hope you find the fulfillment you are seeking.  If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me again.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius