Expert: arani_CsA - 11/24/2008

Question
I'm 18 and looking for a master but I'm not quite sure how to find one. Especially one that would work for me. Any suggestions.

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

You are right in being careful about finding the right Master for you.  This is, indeed, a serious matter and should be addressed seriously.  It's very much like finding the right husband, and I can guarantee you that the connection you will feel to a Master is far stronger than any you might feel with a prospective husband.

The first step is to know yourself, just as well as you possibly can.  Sit down and spend some time learning just what it is that draws you to this lifestyle and what you need from it, and what qualities you would like to see in your perfect Master.  Then spend time getting to know many people in the lifestyle, both Masters and other slaves, not only to get to know them better but to learn from them and see how they interact with each other.  While there are many good websites where you can go to learn (and I'll give you some suggestions), the best place to do this is face to face.

I strongly suggest that you find a BDSM group meeting in your local area.  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyre.com  These groups will typically have an on-line forum where they can chat and set up meetings, but more importantly they will have various functions where you can sit down face to face with others who share your interests and who will sometimes have more experience than you -- and be very happy to share that experience with a respectful newcomer.  These get-togethers may involve going to a local restaurant and just having dinner together in a neutral setting, or they may involve going to a member's home for more lifestyle-related discussion or some S/m play.  You can meet prospective Masters as well as other submissives and slaves (not the same thing), and also couples.  Most of these groups will gladly accept newcomers to the lifestyle, and help you to learn about it in a safe way.

Safety is something that should be foremost in your mind.  If you have never experienced that thrill of being in the presence of a skilled Dominant, you can't fully understand how vulnerable you can be in such situations or how open to suggestion you can be.  This is another reason why encountering other lifestylers in a group situation can be beneficial.  Don't allow yourself to be pushed into doing something that makes you uncomfortable, or that you don't feel ready for.  Consensuality is very important to us in this lifestyle, meaning that you shouldn't be forced to do something you don't want to do.  

Bear in mind that some groups will not admit members who are under 21 years of age.  There is some disagreement in the lifestyle about whether members should be 18 or 21.  But, chances are that most groups will admit you to at least some events, while excluding you from those where more severe forms of S/m play take place.  

Here are some good sites to explore, if you have not already done so:
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Good luck to you.  And if you have any more questions, feel free to bring them to me.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius