Expert: Mistress Violette - 11/2/2008

Question
Dear Mistress,
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We have been having sexual issues due to the fact that I enjoy BDSM and she did not know it. What is the best way to expose her to BDSM and to explain to her really what it entails for her as a submissive?

thanks!

Jack

Answer
Hello, Jack,

I'm going to point you to some sites that I think will help you. They're about explaining BDSM to vanilla people and some general information on BDSM. Just a caution, your girlfriend may listen and understand and still not be interested. Or she may be interested, but in the dominant side of BDSM. It would be better for you to go into this with the attitude that you'll discuss this with her and see what happens, not that an explanation will make her want to be your submissive.

Please understand that what little she might know about BDSM probably comes from the media, where it's not portrayed very attractively. You're going to have to counteract any wrong ideas she might have and help her understand that BDSM can be loving and fun, not angry and abusive. Also, you'll want to present it as the want it is, rather than something you can't live without, so she doesn't feel threatened or coerced by your interest. It's going to take patience, awareness and the willingness to be flexible on your part, Jack, however; lots of people have been happy to be introduced to BDSM by their partners.

Good luck to you both.

Mistress Violette

This site will help with explaining BDSM to a non BDSM person:
http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smbasic.html

These are sites have general information on BDSM and, since there is no one right way to do BDSM, they offer different perspectives:
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/dictionary/Power_exchange/
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
http://sexuality.org/ (search for BDSM and related terms)
http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/artofsm.shtml
http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm
http://www.leatherviews.com/