Expert: Mistress Violette - 12/13/2008

Question
Mistress, I am very much obsessed to being a slave of a Mistress. Can Mistress help me to find a Mistress or to guide me to experience slavery

Answer
Hello, slaveofaffina,

You're doing the same thing many newcomers to BDSM do, thinking the best person to help you is someone whose orientation is the opposite of yours. So, my first suggestion is to be open to learning from everyone. You'll learn as much from other subs and male doms as you will from dominant women, maybe more. Another sub, someone who has been where you want to be, can give you very helpful information. Male and female doms have similar experiences and expectations. Men who aren't open to multiple learning opportunities run the risk of looking like they're just interested in sexual gratification and satisfying their own needs, instead of really submitting.

Second, take responsibility for your own education. It's really not the job of a dominant to help you experience slavery. You need to read reliable information about BDSM, as opposed to commercial fantasy fodder, so you know what BDSM is about and what you have to offer. That you are enthusiastic about slavery isn't a qualification to be someone's slave. Look at it this way, if you went to a restaurant owner asking to be hired as a chef but not knowing what you cook well, would you expect to be hired? Of course not, but many potential submissives do the equivalent and then wonder why they're not successful at finding a dominant. Just as you would hone your cooking skills before offering yourself as a chef, you need to gather BDSM information before offering yourself as a slave. Read the sites of people and discussion groups who do BDSM in real life. Not having real time experience is fine if you've done your homework and can talk intelligently about basic BDSM concepts. And, again, doing your homework gives you credibility and makes you look like a submissive rather than a guy looking to spice up his sex life.

Finally, enter the BDSM community to make friends and to learn, not just to play. Besides being a mark of serious interest, it's a good way to find a partner. People who are looking for "A Mistress" don't succeed as often as people who are interested in other people as people.

This might not have been what you were expecting to hear but taking this advice will actually help you meet your goal. Good luck!

Mistress Violette