Expert: Master Shadow - 12/17/2008

Question
Hi, I have recently been introduced to the world of D/s. We are both new to this so tend to get a bit confused. We both have difficulty putting our vague ideas into practice. My sub not being able to say more than a desire to be flogged and teased, me not being able establish the relationship between us I desire. We have checked out a few videos and I feel the pain, humiliation scene is not for me. I don’t want a 24/7 D/s relationship or someone who is sub to me outside the sexual relationship.   My question is I have the pretty strong urges to control her sexual body… To turn her on, have her as my dirty little slut, control her pleasure, to keep her on the edge….forever! To make her tell me her dirty sexual desires, and surrender to her sexual pleasure, make her “let go of her inhibitions”. I suppose it is more like mind control than physical control. Although I have the fantasies, I imagine getting a sub to this point is a real skill and requires trust and willingness on the subs part. I see flogging as a means to an end rather than pleasure in its self, if that is what will get her to the point I want than that’s fine….. I get to play my games in the end. I fantasize about the scene but not how I get her there!!! Seen lots of tips, ideas on the physical aspects but not on the mind games.   I am not questioning my relationship. Just trying to find a way to express what I want out of the BDSM scene. Are my fantasies a normal part of the scene or am I unusual? Maybe what I desire isn’t part the BDSM scene at all? Is this something most subs really desire or am I going to be lucky to have a sub who likes this way of playing?

Answer
Sounds as if what You seek would be more of a Daddy/daughter type of BDSM relationship. This is more about mental control rather than physical control. Your desires are a normal part of the bdsm scene, and are also very popular among subs/slaves.

Realize, not everyone is into the pain aspect of the Lifestyle. Many are more into the mental aspect of bdsm, as You are. I wouldn't think You'd have too much trouble finding what You seek (Your slut, so to speak) in the Lifestyle.

Remember, a large part of the fun is exploring together, and learning not only the Lifestyle, but each O/other as well. The main thing to remember is that what You seek requires trust, which must be built slowly. To place one's self in Another's control is not a small thing, and many have been hurt or worse by trusting too soon, or trusting the wrong person.

Take the time to get to know each O/other well, learn each other quirks, and desires. This builds trust, over time.




                                          SINcerely in Leather,
                                          Master Shadow.