Expert: Oscar G. - 12/20/2008

Question
Hi! I'm a female submissive, currently in a relationship with sadistic male dominant. However, here's the catch - we're both basically new to BDSM, as well as practically dating itself; we're both college students. We both knew of our longstanding interest in BDSM, and upon finding out that the other party was interested as well, basically... added that aspect of D/s into our relationship. However, obviously, we're both relatively inexperienced.

I think I have experienced what the BDSM community terms "subspace," as well as bottom/sub drop. However, though we've both read a fair bit about the BDSM world, I don't think my Master has come across those terms/ideas. I tend to be a little goofy in everyday life, and he normally reprimands me sharply, which I adore. He has also done so while I believe I was experiencing a drop, which has haunted me quite a bit. However, how can I basically show him that this exists, without sounding whiny, impertinent, and well, just overly i-told-you-so-ish? We're normally fairly open with each other but I just feel as if it sounds rude.

Answer
Hi Christina:
You both being new to BDSm could excuse him a bit of not knowing. Yet being extreme in activities and sensations there should be more information regarding the safety aspects of BDSM. The way to show is asking him what kind of high does he get? How does he feel afterwards? Doesn't he experience a bit of withdrawal or the drop/crash?
You have to approach this emotional touchy subject when you are not either on a high or a low. One day you are not playing, or not being into your roles of Dom/sub. In that way the field is leveled and you both are equal and can listen clearly unaffected.
Also show him your research, others account online and in books. After all, besides your own first hand experiences, you have researched and read elsewhere, haven't you? There are many accounts besides the chemical proven fact that for every high there is a 'hangover' effect afterwards, some immediate and some others until the day after. I doubt just showing this letter alone you would convince him, so read more and save that page or casually in the book store show him. Furthering your knowledge of your body and mind is important if you want to keep growing and evolve emotionally.
The growth has to be mutual and even sided. And since you are for him to take care of your emotional wellbeing you should tell him so.

Just a question of when and where. Just mentioned research, learning and exploring more in depth. He might not be bookish, but he would understand to the extent that other have experienced it and wrote about it to know that if does exist and has to be addressed for your emotional and mental wellbeing/safety.

Just my 2 cents. I hope it helps.
Be well and be safe.
Oscar G.