Expert: CougarDomme - 12/29/2008

Question
hi, I've "met" this guy online, we've sent a couple of mails back and forth and we seem to match but so far, that's it...
he's 33, I'm 22(girl) and I have no experience. At all. I mean, sure, I've fool around, but never with a breathing thing and I'm kind of afraid of making a fool of myself... we've talked about my lack of experience and what we both like and dislike and he seems ok with it (even turned on if you can believe that...) but I'm still anxious...
And another thing, I'm also kind of..well, afraid, I think... of meeting this guy, I mean, he could easily be serial killer, a nice one, I’ll give you that but a serial killer all the same! Or, someone with the idea of doing more than just "having a good time together"... and I know that the obvious thing, actually the intelligent thing would be to tell someone where I'm going, with whom and basically explain the whole situation, but see, I'm kind of embarrassed to say I found a sex-partner online with no commitments, since that’s not the kind of thing I would usually do, let alone the part where I'm to play the sub role in bed and even have a safeword!
And also, I’d like some extra advise on what to take with me…mmm…so far I’m thinking condoms, lube (lots, for I like anal!), cell phone, the keys of my home just so I can get back, and that’s it, no money, no ID with–weird, hardly heard of-name and –uncommon-last name…

Thank you very much for your time!

Tri


Answer
OK, let's start with the fact that virtually everyone online lies about their age, height, weight, job and background.  This guy could be 60, bald, fat, unemployed and dangerous.  You do NOT want to meet a sex partner online for BDSM without at the very least setting up a safecall and making sure that someone knows where you are and who you are with.  If you want to meet a sex partner, you can go to a munch or a play party and have NO problem whatsoever.
Do not do this. There is a name for people who do this: VICTIMS.
Set up a safe call and ask for references.  If he is a legitimate member of the BDSM community, he will have them--lots of them, and you check them.  If he doesn't, write it off.
If you are dead set on meeting him, make sure it's at a public place. Take your own car and meet him there.  DO NOT GO ANYWHERE ELSE with him and make sure he's who he says he is.  Ask for ID, and make a copy of it--or write down his name, DOB, license number, address put it in a stamped self-addressed envelope and drop it in the mailbox. That way the police will know who to question if you disappear. If you get the letter, you can throw it away, obviously.
I met my husband online, everyone uses it for dating now, so don't be embarrassed.