Expert: ziggy ziegler - 12/2/2008

Question
QUESTION: i recently got involved in a master slave triangle with one of my mates. This began with a month of contact with the Master building up through text and calls  to all three of us meeting. It has been the most amazing experience of my life i feel like i just woke up but then the other girl developed feelings for the Master and i kept my promise to her and broke all contact off. Inow feel empty as i've changed and can't change back. What should i do?

ANSWER: Greetings:

Thank you for the question. If I understand you correctly, you had an agreement with the other slave that should either one of you develop feelings for the master that  the other person would back out and let the other relationship develop without interference? I will answer your question based on what I am interpreting.

In Master and slave relationships that are polyandrous (where there is more than one partner), usually it is the master that facilitates who is part of the grouping i.e. how many slaves he will have. Who stays and who goes. The master also determines what each slaves role is within the relationship that way there is little need for competition or hard feelings between the slaves

Effective communication between all parties is crucial in making the relationship work. To me this means talking to not only your mate but also that master. As a slave, or in your case, what sounds like you are in process of becoming, expressing your feelings is very important as information to the master to know how to guide and direct you and those slaves under his control. This information might come via and e-mail or phone. Ideally, in person but we all know with long distance relationships that is not always possible. Getting feed back from the master can help you as you decide what to do next. I have to say there is no worst feeling than to find something and then lose it. However, I applaud you honoring the agreement you had with your mate. My hat is off to you even though I know its hard.   

I would recommend you expressing your feelings of loss to both your friend and this potential master. Although, I believe it may feel awkward and even may hurt it will further honor the relationship you have developed with the master and your mate.

In the end, please know, if this turn of events means that there is not a place for you in that poly relationship, there is a whole community out there.  Now that you have discovered that this type of relationship works for you, its possible that you will click with others as well. In the mean time, I would like to encourage you to continue to communicate with the master and your mate even if it is to come to some closure in the relationship.

My best wishes to you

Warmest regards
slave ziggy




---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your reply.

I promised the other slave before we started this as the whole experience was a gift from her to me which I can never repay her for.  As such I would never want to go against her and hurt her feelings and the Master despite protestation does understand this.

I live in England and would not even know where to start at searching out a new master.  I've never met anyone off the net so I'm not sure.  I just know that I've found my calling and I can't give it up now.

Answer
Greetings TT

I completely understand.... i started in the scene back in the early 80s and there was no net, so finding a compatible owner.. well it was difficult to say the least.

Might i recommend doing a search on google type in BDSM and then your area or some major city close to where you live... i am recommending this because it should bring up groups both online and in real time for which you can join.. The real time groups often meet in real time to socialize and in some cases to play. Its a bit scarry at first but what i found was i could see first hand how it all works for real. Also in the results of your google search you will also find online groups in and around England.

TT  i completely understand not being able to go back to business as usual. Master and slavery is very powerful. Again i applaud you for your integrity with regards to your friend. I have a feeling that whom ever you end up with will have a gem...

warmest regards
slave ziggy