Expert: Mistress Violette - 2/5/2008

Question
I want to be a slave to my wife. How do I tell her without her  freaking out? she knows i have a foot fetish and will let me worship her feet but that's all. Please Help

Answer
Hello, Nel,

First, so you know, you're not alone. In fact, the idea of slavery is attractive to many men. There are some things you can try in order to realize your dream but there's no guarantee they'll work. Some people just aren't interested in certain things and you might have to be satisfied with only what she's willing to do.

Your wife seems at least somewhat open, which is a plus. You've already told her a little bit; now you can tell her a little bit more. Be sure to approach it positively, even playfully if that would make her more comfortable. If you get the sense that she's Ok with hearing more, here are some thoughts about what to discuss.

If your wife is like most people, what she knows about BDSM is what's found in popular media. This often doesn't show male submissives in a flattering light. You'll need to educate your wife about what BDSM means to you. You might try explaining BDSM to her as your desire to serve and to be controlled. She might be more amenable if she understands it doesn't have to be all leather and whips and that she can get into it at her own pace.

Some men make the mistake of talking about what they want, instead of how they can make life more pleasurable for their wives. You might offer to demonstrate what submissives do by serving her in a way that's useful to her. You can take on some chores, do some extra work around the house, run errands for her, draw a bath, all without expecting anything in return. You'd be selling BDSM by showing how it can benefit her. When she was comfortable at that level, you could offer to show her more. Just remember, you're asking for a big favor. Show you recognize and acknowledge that by putting her first. It may seem to you that it's all about you but, I assure you, your wife knows that's not the case.

I don't know how much educating of yourself you've done, so I'm going to list some sites and some books that are helpful. You might want to explore a little on your own first. That way, you'll have some solid information to share with your wife. If things go well, eventually the two of you can explore together! Good luck and have fun.

Mistress Violette

Sites:

http://sexuality.org/ (seach for BDSM and related terms)
http://gloriabrame.com/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/1home.shtml
http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm
http://www.leatherviews.com/

Books:

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism  by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction  by Jay Wiseman
Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice by Guy Baldwin and Joseph W. Bean
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools  by Guy Baldwin