Expert: Lady Aryana - 2/18/2008

Question
I'll give you some backstory first. IM in a long distance internet and phone M/s relationship with a beautiful slave who I adore. she is somewhat more experienced in this type of relationship than I. That fact has lead to a lot of "headbutting". she has submitted to ME but disobeys quite frequently. In MY inexperience I haven't been the most firm of Masters and to that ends have lost a good deal of her respect. she has told ME before that she likes the sweeter , caring side of ME and she isn't used to it , but it is refreshing. I've never punished her but today she really stepped out of line and I felt the need. When I gave her command for punishment she told ME it was typical , unimagineative and boring and questioned wether I was lying about never having been a Master before because the punishment was a "typical" master slave punishment. I really do want to be more aggresive and firm with her , but our relationship is so much deeper to me than a fetish/roleplay relationship. It is for her too and I realize she really needs to be dominated and is constantly testing ME as in to give ME ample opportunity to "turn the screws". OKAY... sorry about the rambling and if you had more time I could go on for hours , but here goes . I have a few a questions . Is there a book of ideas for creative punishment/reward ? Also , do we have to be in person face to face for an official collaring ceremony ? Lastly , what is handfasting? I would deeply appreciate any help you could give on these matters. Thank you for your time.

Answer
Hello Adam,

Sounds like your slave is really testing you, maybe she wants more sweet then Master. What ever you want is what should matter, doesn't matter really on what punishment you give her, while in a long distance relationship she should accept what you decide. If YOU feel she isn't learning anything, do something else, if she keeps pushing you, maybe it's just not the relationship for you.

As for a book, I have looked, and though there are books, there isn't one pointed for Punishment or rewards. You can find allot of good books on Amazom.com. I suggest Screw the roses, send me the thorns. S&M 101, Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual, and The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance.

Also I created a group many yrs ago, I am no longer the owner, but it might be something worth checking out, the past archives might do you allot of good. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dslongdistance/

As for being face to face, no you don't have to, if you plan on having her wear a collar 24/7 send her one before the date in which you plan on collaring her. This way she has it ready to place around her neck once you tell her too. A web cam can be used for moments like this.

Now for handfasting, it is mostly used for Wiccan's it is where and I quote * Handfasting is a betrothal or wedding ritual in which the couple's clasped hands are tied together by a cord or ribbon — hence the phrase "tying the knot". The tying of the hands may be done by the officiant of the ceremony, by the wedding guests, or by the couple themselves.* You can find out more by clicking here http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_hand.htm

If you need anymore help please feel free to let me know, take as much time as you need, I will try to help out as much as I can.

Good luck.

Sky's pet Kayra