Expert: arani_CsA - 2/5/2008

Question
i am a 51 yr ole married female and i have been in online bdsm for past 12 yrs...my hubbie is vanilla though i am so interested in the lifestyle...my hubbie knows of my online adventure i will call i......can anyone help me, as i am also a christian woman seeking advice.....is "what i do online" concidered adultrey? or wrong in Gods' eyes?  my hubbie knows of me being online and does not disapprove.

thanks

Answer
Hello...

Thanks for coming to me with your question.  i hope i can help you find the answers you are looking for.

i, too, am a Christian and have been for all of my 49 years.  i am fortunate in that my Master is also a Christian, and in fact we find a lot of support in our faith for our particular kind of relationship.

We have a different definition of adultery than most traditional Christians, based on our interpretation of Scripture as inspired by God.  We don't feel that there is any place in the Bible that defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman.  We also don't feel that the terms "adultery" or "fornication" were defined in Biblical times in the same way that they are defined today.  In fact, the word "fornication" didn't even exist until the 13th century.

What we do believe is this.  God created Eve to be Adam's helpmate.  Not his equal, but his helper.  When God cursed Eve after the Fall, he decreed that she would crave to be dominated by her husband.  St. Paul also tells us that the husband is to be the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the Church.  The Master is to look after, and nourish, his slave just as Christ protects and guides us as Christians.

As for your on-line activities, i believe that these are just as real as if you and the other person were standing in the same room.  The feelings are the same.  The reactions they induce in your body are the same.  And most Christian traditions teach that if you commit a sin in your mind, then you commit it with your body.  But, i'm also sure you know that no sin is unforgiveable -- except the sin of rejecting God.

Marriages are traditionally sanctified with a promise between the two parties involved.  Historically, that promise has usually included something about two people being faithful to each other, in body and in mind.  But what about when that clause is omitted from the marriage vows?  What if, when a man and woman marry, they have an understanding that one or both is free to interact with others?  When my Master and i were married, we agreed that he was free to receive service from other slaves and to command me to serve other men.

To honor the marriage vow is to honor that promise you made to God when you and your husband stood together before him.  Whatever that promise was.  If you promised to be faithful to each other, then going against that is a sin.  If you agreed that one or both of you was free to sleep with others, then doing just that is not a sin.  

Yes, it is possible for a slave to commit adultery.  If she is married to one man, whom she has promised to be faithful to, and yet is serving another, then that is adultery.  You may also be familiar with the saying that it is impossible to serve two Masters.  A slave may not say no to her Master -- at any time.  Ever.  What if your on-line Master commands you to leave your husband, and come to him?  What if he commands you to do something else that your husband would disapprove of, other than sex?  

i understand the feeling of needing something more than what you presently have in your marriage.  But, to be totally honest, i have never known a slave to be happy in this kind of situation.  She will always find herself wanting something she cannot have.  She will always find herself torn between her two lives.  And eventually one life will win over the other.

My advice to you is to try and interest your husband in your lifestyle.  Explain to him that it's not just about sex.  Help him understand just what it is that you crave in a relationship.  Show him that a Master/slave relationship is very similar to a traditional old-fashioned Christian marriage, in that the man is the head of the household and his word goes -- no matter what.  Any rituals that might be part of that relationship are just so much fluff -- they're not what make you Master and slave.  Show him how nice it is to have a woman whose entire life revolves around making him happy . . whether that be by cooking his meal, by cleaning his house, by giving him a massage, or by going out and working to earn a living.

Slavery is not about the collar, or the kneeling, or the sex.  Slavery is about being driven, from your very soul, to make another person happy.  No matter what.  A submissive DOES what her Master commands; a slave BECOMES what her Master commands.  i have many slave friends who are very content being simple housewives, or going out to earn a living to help put her Master through college, or raising children.  A slave doesn't even need to be submissive; she just has to obey, whether she likes it or not.  She just has to honor the commitment she made when she took her collar, or her wedding ring, or both.

i will be happy to discuss this with your further, if you wish.  But first, i recommend that you spend some time reflecting on just what it is that compels you to be a slave.  What do you want from a Master?  And what is your understanding of what God commands of a man and a woman?  Only when you fully understand yourself and your motivations can you find completeness in any relationship.  You say that you have been in this kind of a situation for 12 years, and yet you have not found fulfillment.  Perhaps you need to be looking within yourself for that, instead of seeking it from others.

Good luck to you, and feel free to contact me again.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius