Expert: Mistress Violette - 3/17/2008

Question
Hi. I have a 5 and 2 year old son. My husband and I have a BDSM relationship with me as the Domme and him the sub. We are currently in a custody battle for my 5 year old and our BDSM lifestyle has been brought up. We have never practiced anything in front of the kids and have been very discreet, however in the custody battle they are making a case of me even doing fantasy things online saying I will cause harm to my son, even though he has no clue. Do you have an suggestions on where to find legal answers about BDSM ore resources explaining how one can practice BDSM safely without kids ever finding out. Thanks.

Answer
Hello, Allison,

It really irks me when people do things like this in custody situations. I suppose it's no worse than some of the other things folks do to each other but BDSM is so poorly understood it's an easy target. Because of that, it's going to be a difficult battle so you're wise to be gathering some resources. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

There are some good articles about children and BDSM on this page: http://www.helium.com/items/860391-there-reason-child-strangle

This is an article on BDSM in general that shows it in a somewhat different light: http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/kinky-you-cant-beat-it/2007/04/16/1176696736...

There's a small section on custody on this page: http://www.bearpair.com/slavemike/law.htm

Your attorney may find this article to be of interest: http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/haworth/jh/2006/00000050/F0020002/art00011...

This article talks about some important issues: http://www.ipgcounseling.com/psychology_and_bdsm.html

Building on that last, here is a list of kink aware professionals, in case there's someone close by you can call on for expertise: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_keyword&id=270

I hope your preparation pays off and this works out well for you. I wish you the best.

Mistress Violette