Expert: arani_CsA - 3/1/2008

Question
Hi...I've been owned by my Master for a few years now...since I was 18. I'm 21 now He is 45. I'm struggling greatly with understanding my place with basic obedience and forgetting what I am. Did you struggle with these things as well? I love my Master sooo much can't live without Him. It hurts so much when I displease Him. Do you have any advice on how a submissive can keep her submissive mind set always and to become more understanding of what it is a slave is and how to maybe fix or atleast improve basic disobedience? Is there any technique a Master has trained you with that has worked better than others?

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

You are struggling with something that I continue to struggle with, even after almost 10 years of being a slave and nearly 8 years of belonging to my current Master.  It's something you will have to deal with all of your life.

Many people assume that a slave MUST be submissive, but in fact the two are completely different.  I'm not at all submissive, and I know many of my friends who are not either.  A submissive is someone who enjoys being obedient, or to whom being obedient comes naturally.  The reality is, though, that it doesn't matter whether I enjoy obeying or not, I just have to do it.  And part of the thrill, for slave as well as Master, is when she overcomes her nature to transform herself into something completely different under the Master's influence.  I like to say that a submissive DOES what the Master wants, a slave BECOMES what the Master wants.

I think what you need to do is to embrace the power that you have as a slave, rather than try to fight it or deny it.  I've always disliked the term "power exchange" to describe a Master/slave relationship, because it just doesn't work.  We should have the power to know ourselves, and to know that we don't have to conform to anyone else's ideas as to what a slave should be -- other than our Master's idea.  So many people think a slave has to be weak and mousy, and jump through hoops at the drop of a hat, but it just isn't so.  We have to be able to have the strength to know ourselves, and then stand up to others as we do what needs to be done.  

Instead of seeing these personality traits of yours as weaknesses, try looking at them as strengths.  It was probably precisely because you are a strong and decisive person that your Master chose you to begin with.  Most Masters actually seek out powerful slaves, who can do what needs to be done without having to have every thought or every action dictated to them, who can figure out for themselves what needs to be done and do it, and who can stand up to the difficulties they might encounter and yet keep their sense of individuality and ambition.  Instead of fighting against yourself, embrace who you are and use those strengths for your Master's benefit.  

So many times we hear that a slave is a reflection of her owner.  So, if our owner is a strong and decisive individual who is fully capable of being in control of himself and others, why should we be any different?  The key is not in relinquishing control or power, but in gaining control over ourselves and using that power to do that and for the benefit of another.  

A slave is not an extreme submissive.  She is a different creature altogether, who has different drives and different motivations, and who responds to a different kind of treatment.  The fact that I do submit doesn't make me any more a submissive than the fact that I do occasionally cook makes me a chef.  Don't make yourself miserable trying to be something you're not; instead discover who you are and what makes you tick.

You need to spend some time contemplating what it is that pulled you to this lifestyle, and what it is that compelled you to become a slave.  Find the individual who lives inside you, and realize that you don't have to conform to what anyone else thinks you should be.  The only person you need to please is your Master, and sometimes being pleasing doesn't mean being obedient.  Sometimes being pleasing is recognizing that you are a strong and powerful woman whose strengths lie in making the world a better place for someone else.  Take pride in your strength, instead of fighting it.  And realize that weak people just don't survive in this life, regardless of whether they are a slave or a Master or even a vanilla.

I hope I have helped give you a little insight into your situation.  If you have any more questions, feel free to send them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius