Expert: awhitecloud - 3/9/2008

Question
Awhitecloud

I have recently got a girlfriend who is really into BDSM, she does needle and edge play, canes and floggers and whips etc.  I am fine with it, in fact i find it very sexy.  I have asked her to do a session with me, and she said no, citing it is a different part of her life.  So she goes to "play parties" where a group of them beat each other, and she has her sessions with her male Dom.  She says it is non sexual of course, that it is more of a stress relief.  But then when we go out with her friends all she talks about with them, is their sessions and parties.  I have never had a relationship before, and truthfully whitecloud, i need someone to make sense of this for me, i really do like her, she is a great woman.  We have not had sex in a long time, and it seems that i have to fight for ever damn minute that i get to see her.  I guess whitecloud is i need some advice on how to handle this and deal with it, as this is entirely new to me.  Thanks for your time.  

Answer
Well first off I would think you might want to wish to start attending the parties with her.  Attend local munches and get to know and to understand what it is that she is doing.  Maybe look at some Dom submissive things added to your relationship as well.  Read all you can and grow and learn take in all the things that the lifestyle has to offer you both.

I can relate for me any play I might take part in well it is not sexual in any nature.  The whole D/s thing is a total stress relief for me it is a time I do not have to be responsible for things I can not hold the power even if it is for a short time.  

To play with knife play and edge play takes a lot of trust in ones partner; it is not something you do with just anyone.  You have to build and gain the trust for that to happen.  It is something that is a major safety thing and you need to watch it talk with others and learn to master the skill before you play with others.

As for her talking about it yes it can be a mind blowing experience and something you wish to tell others about.  It is something that is the highest rush on can have in my book. I am personally not into that type of play but I have watched it at different events and it is something to see.  I have personally only tried it one time and it was not something I want to run out and do again at all.

But the same holds true for flogging and all that you need to learn it and practice it to get it right and learn all the safety issues that are present with any play you might wish to get into and do.

I would tell you first off to sit down and talk with her, then find a local munch and start attending.  Go with her to play parties and sit and watch talk with others and let her have her time with the ones she trusts.  We had a deal where he did not watch when I played and it did change over time as we grew and he gained more insight into the lifestyle and we built our foundation and our trust grew as well.  It was a long road and one that did not just happen over night. Trust of this kind is not an easy thing to just do; it takes time and a lot of communication as well.  You need to start talking and be open with each other on all things.

If there is anything else I can help you with just let me know.  I will be out of town for a few days so hang on I shall answer as soon as I return home.

Thank you it was a great question.

awhitecloud