Expert: Mistress Violette - 3/5/2008

Question
My world went upside down few weeks ago when i was raped. Master has been very understanding and has been giving me all the support He can....yesterday was the first time since the rape that we try to take it that step further...however i don't seem to be able to enjoy any contact with Him. Every thing we try to do sexually now i find it wrong, making me flip in to such a state that i just want to curl up and be left alone.I just want this to go back to normal, how can i separate what happen to me from my normal life?...

Answer
Hello, Rose,

This is a serious thing that has happened to you. I wish I had a simple solution. There isn't a way to separate what happened to you but there are ways to heal so you can lead a normal life. Unfortunately, they're beyond the scope of email advice.

I expect you've already talked to professionals who assist rape survivors. If not, please do. There are many feelings you're trying to work through and there is help available, from people who understand the situation. It's wonderful that your master is being supportive and that's going to be a big plus for you. Still, it's hard to sort out something like this on your own. I'm going to strongly encourage you to get counseling. You did nothing wrong and getting assistance doesn't mean you're weak or sick. It's like having a physical illness and seeing a doctor. Some things need a specialist's help to mend.

In the meantime, if sexual activities effect you that way, it's best not to engage in them. That doesn't make you a bad submissive. You're someone who has experienced a traumatic event. It's normal that similar situations would trigger the reaction you're having. The safe and healthy thing to do is not to engage in the triggering activities. It sounds like your dominant has your best interests at heart and will understand that trying to play right now is detrimental to you. It's probably best not to try again until you've worked through enough issues to feel good about it again.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to talk to someone who understands and can help you get through this. It can be done. I wish you all the best.

Mistress Violette