Expert: Mistress Violette - 3/25/2008

Question
Hi, I am a 24 year old male from England.  I am quite a good looking
lad and don't really have any problem getting the girls, the only problem
is I am confused as to what turns me on at the moment.

Since i was about 15 I have fantasied about silk and satin ladies
underwear and the idea of being forced to wear them.  I even went through a
stage of getting some then wearing them just for pleasure, not as a
normal item of clothing.  I then met a girlfriend at 17 and did nothing
and thought nothing about it.  It was more the pleasure of seeing the
silk and satin on her that i liked and she knew it.  I was with her for
about 3 years.

But after we broke up I found a pair of her silk knickers and I tried
them on.   It kinda has spiraled since then.  The next GF i had one
night actually wanted me to wear a pair of her knickers as a joke i think
(she knew nothing about my fetish) and that was awesome, however i kinda
from then subtly let her know i liked it and i think that turned her
off completely and now we are not with eachother.

I dont own any pairs now but often think about it.  My picture porn
collection on my pc is all ladies in silk and satin.  When i think sexual
thoughts, the only way i am finding that i can get aroused is if i
think of being dominated, force femmed or humiliated in some way.  It
started with just the knickers and being in them and having normal sex, now
i imagine being fully femmed and humiliated in front of people.  

Each web site has led me to another, i like reading stories on it and
the fetish has now spread to... small p*enis humiliation,strapon (not
imagining it in a gay way but as a humiating act being performed and the
woman laughing) and more recently and worryingly fantasies involving
cuckolding with me dressed as a sissy and one of my ex gf's having sex
with a 'real man'.

I have also for some time now been going to sissy chat rooms as such
and roleplaying fantasies where i have been hypnotised and are 'forced'
to carry out acts that the chatroom dom wants e.g, 'go put your
housemates knickers on' etc etc.. but some far more humilating.  I wouold then
pretend to go along with it.

I am confused as to what i can do about this.  Is there a way to maybe
reverse it? like maybe become a more dominant person?  I would love to
live out ojne of these fantasies but I cant see how much of a future
they have if i want to start a family or have a normal rlationship let
alone what my family and friends would say if they found out.  I guess
there are a couple of questions here, but more just for me to be able to
write out what i am going through and to see if you have heard of it
before?  Thank you in advance


Answer
Hello, Adam,

If you're worried that you might be alone or rare in your interests, please don't be. What you've described is a common desire; I've heard almost the exact same situation from many, many men. There's nothing wrong with you. You simply have fetish fantasies and desires that are a bit out of the mainstream. Because of that there's not a lot of discussion of them, either in real life or the media. So it's no wonder you're confused. I just want to assure you that there's nothing abnormal about either your interests or you.

As for what you can do about this, first, please understand that it's a perfectly healthy desire and not a symptom of sickness. More men than you'd guess are wearing women's knickers under their business suits and work clothes. A number of them are fantasizing that a dominant woman has ordered them to do this. And some actually are acting on the orders of a dominant woman.

Whether or not you want to actually live your dreams is something you'll have to consider. While you can't actually reverse your desire, you can chose not to indulge it. This is a want, not a need, and you could decide to put it out of your mind. I guarantee it will crop up again from time to time but it is possible to live a complete and happy life without acting on your fetish needs. There are other possibilities, however. You could decide to experience your fetish with a professional, either in person or online. The consideration here would be cost. You could also look for a partner who would indulge your fetish. They do exist, although they're not as easy to find as vanilla partners. The fact that one girlfriend didn't share your fetish interests doesn't mean your interests are a problem. It's just that, if you decide to pursue them, you'll need to gauge your partner's interest before approaching the subject with her. Finally, until you have a committed vanilla relationship, you could carry out some actions on your own.

The important thing to understand is that your fetish interests aren't an automatic recipe for complicating your life. It's quite possible to have a "normal" relationship and family life while still having a spicy bedroom life. Lots of people do things in their private lives that have no impact on their public lives. This isn't a facet of your personality, it's something you want to do for fun, because it turns you on. I hope you can learn to look at it that way, accept it for what it is and come to comfortable terms with it.

Mistress Violette