Expert: arani_CsA - 3/16/2008

Question
My husband sought a ld D/s relationship with someone online because he thought I would not be "into" it.  I am and we have since rekindled our spark with a full time D/s relationship (and it is wonderful).

My dilemma is that he still has intense feelings for this other woman.  They web cam/voice chatted cybering which eventually led to a one time physical sexual encounter.  He has told her he loves her and even had planned to leave me for her.

She does not yet know that we are still together and stronger than ever.  I have asked him to end it, and I want to believe that he will.

My trust is a bit shaky right now, tho.  I do love him and it is my greatest desire to please him.  He is my master and I am (have always been) his slave.

I want to be emotionally supportive of him during this time because I do know that it hurts him to leave her.  They developed a friendship prior to the online fantasies, which of course, led to a emotional relationship, not just an affair.

I am not adverse to us having an open relationship and incorporating others into our life.  I cannot abide him keeping her, though, as she was supposed to be my friend, and knowingly seduced my husband when he went to her for guidance during our marriage "troubles".  In actuality, things weren't that bad, but of course, she made him feel like they were so she could soothe him and be what he thought he needed.

Of course, I am thankful on some levels, as his personal awakening to his desires are what have allowed us to come to this place.

I just need to know how to help him without disobeying him or smothering him.

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your questions.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

You say that you are not averse to "having an open relationship and incorporating others into our life."  However, you then go on to say that you cannot abide his having a relationship with this particular woman.  Do you see the contradiction here?  Unfortunately, as it appears your husband/Master is unwilling to discontinue this relationship, you ARE going to have to abide it.  The only other choice you appear to have in the matter is to leave, yourself.

As someone who has been involved in two poly relationships in the past, I know that not everyone can do it.  I have known many people who have said that they had no problem with their husband/wife being involved with another, or with belonging to a Master who had more than one slave, but who later found out they just couldn't do it.  And, because they weren't able to be a part of this kind of relationship, problems arose for everyone in that relationship.

Try to remember that your husband most likely doesn't love you any less because he also loves this other woman.  She merely fills a place in his life that you are unable to, or otherwise provides something that he is not getting from you.  (And that doesn't mean there's anything lacking in your service to him or feelings for him.)  Think of it like a parent who has several children.  That parent doesn't love any of his children less than the others.  

I am physically disabled.  There are things that I am unable to do, such as cleaning house or cooking, due to being in a walker or wheelchair.  My Master and I have discussed the possibility of his taking another slave who is able to do those things that I cannot.  We have also discussed taking another slave who could bear our child, as a surrogate mother, as my menopausal body won't allow me to carry a child myself.

I suggest that you discuss with your husband how you can integrate this woman into your life together.  Ask him to define how the two of you are to serve him, and then trust him to love and care for you and to direct you in your service.  You need not have any direct contact with this other woman, unless he dictates it.  But, in the end, remember that it is the Master who determines how the slave serves.

Good luck to you.  If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me again.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius