Expert: Mistress Violette - 3/25/2008

Question
I have recently become a new master. I would like to know where I can read up on how to become a good master. my slave is great and I like where things are going. thank you for your help.

Answer
Hello, Matt,

I think the biggest mistake people make when entering BDSM is to try to "learn on the job." I think you're going about it exactly the right way by exploring and learning. You're showing the good sense a dominant needs. Becoming a skilled dominant isn't something that happens overnight or without a lot of work and I think you know that. I'm going to give you some resources to help you discover BDSM for yourself.

One thing that's important to do is think about what your goal as a dominant is. Some people have felt an interest in BDSM since before they even knew what sex was; it's the element of control that draws them. Others see something in their adulthood that turns them on - pictures of bondage, for instance - and decide they want to pursue that. You really need to know if you want the power exchange of lifestyle BDSM or if you're most interested in the sexual elements of bedroom BDSM. There isn't one right way to do BDSM but you have to know what *your* way is.

Most of the information you need for your explorations is readily available, so below are some references for further reading and thought.

I wish you the best in your explorations.

Mistress Violette

Links
I haven't found a better and more comprehensive site than this one, so start here:
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

For additional information and perspectives:
http://gloriabrame.com/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/1home.shtml
http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm
http://www.leatherviews.com/

BDSM vs Abuse:
http://domsubfriends.com/library/bd-v-ab.shtml
http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/u.htm
http://www.butch-femme.com/dv.html

Books
I highly recommend this one to start - Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism  by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. It explains both the relationship aspects of BDSM as well as the technical ones.

You could probably get by with just reading that one but, if you find you're serious about BDSM, consider the following books:
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction  by Jay Wiseman
Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice by Guy Baldwin and Joseph W. Bean
SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude--Principles, Skills and Tools  by Guy Baldwin