You are here:
- Home
- People/Relationships
- BDSM
- BDSM
- My submission to my dominant wife
BDSM/My submission to my dominant wife
Advertisement
Question
My wife and I started living our D/s lifestyle about 9 months ago when she found information about it on some websites and thought she would be happier in this kind of relationship. Since then I have found that I love this type of relationship. The problem is when I submit to her and do everything to make her happy she feels I'm being so good that she forgets about giving me rewards of her domination but still is very loving . Then I get discontent and I misbehave and then she will punish me. That's when I feel her dominance, when she isn't happy. But then I'm happy because she spanks me and makes me where my CB 3000 for a day or 2. So it seems to me the only way I feel her dominance is when I'm bad. Ive talked to her about this but she still doesn't show me any dominance when I'm good. What can we do to fill both our needs in this kind of situation?
Thanks in advance
Frank
Hello Frank,
I can understand where you are coming from, this happen often in these types of relationships. So let me start off with this, You need to talk to her. Explain to her how you feel. Do this with alot of respect while you talk. Explain to her that you feel you need some kind of reward when you do something you do for her. Although, remember, she is the Mistress, and her giving you love may be the reward she thinks you deserve.
You are serving her, and when you are allowed to serve that should give you reward. Since you are both so new, I am going to suggest a few books for you to get her and ask her to read them. One is called...
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance - Paperback (Jun 2000) by Lorelei
The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women - Paperback (Aug 1, 2000) by Claudia Varrin
This is a book I suggest you read
The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean (Paperback - April 1992)
The last one is not about FemDom but it is a good book and will give you alot of information when it comes to becoming a slave.
What is it that you think she should be doing to you when it comes to rewards? This is something you need to think about and talk to her about it.
Being allowed to rub her feet, clean the house, tend to her wishes, all these things can be considered rewards. If she were to take them away from you, then you would feel punished.
I am not sure how far you wish to go with this, but if you wish to be her complete slave, just the chance to tend to her wishes are rewards for most slaves. The find they are happier when allowed to serve, and when that is taken away they feel punished. So maybe you need to look at it that way.
You might also have to talk to her, and understand she is simply doing these things for you cause you want her to. If this is the case then the chances of her *rewarding* you are going to be slim.
If this is something you both are really wanting to get into I suggest you both sign up for this email group. It deals with FemDom
http://www.mschristine.com/domestic.shtml
You will be able to get alot more information, and your wife will be able to learn from others on what she can do to you, not just as a punishment but as different rewards.
I am sorry it took me so long, if I can help you wish anything else, please feel free to ask me another question.
Good Luck
Lady Kayra
- View Follow-Ups
- Add to this Answer
- Ask a Question
| Rating(1-10) | Knowledgeability = 10 | Clarity of Response = 10 | Politeness = 10 |
| Comment | My wife and I talked about this more after she read my question and your response and she said she didn't spank me when I wasn't bad because she wanted to be fare. I explained to her that I felt she wasn't being fare by not rewarding me. Now I get it almost every day and we are both happy. She feels more in control and acts much more confident in her self. I hope we can maintain this type of lifestyle for the rest of our lives. Thanks | ||
Related Articles
- Teen-Approved Rewards You Can Give Your Teen
- Using Goals and Rewards to Make Healthy Lifestyle Changes - Reward Yourself and Make Change Easier - Healthy Changes Require Healthy Rewards
- Classroom Rewards - Free and Effective Classroom Rewards
- Dealing With Pain - Find Healthy Ways of Dealing With Pain
- Insomnia - How to Beat Insomnia
Answers by Expert:
Lady Aryana
Expertise
Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Old Guard, Victorn Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Email groups for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. I was collared to my Master, then we married Sept 25 2003. I am no longer in a relationship with him, although as D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either DD or D/s, or simply learning more in order to help others.
Experience
I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment although I am in a DD based relationship which has a very strong sense of D/s although it is NON sexual. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me, and at the moment I have to male slaves who would like to submit. Simply haven't had the time or place to do that yet. I know many egroups who can offer support. I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 22 yrs in BDSM in one way or another
Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I belong to the local BDSM community in AL, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.
Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.
Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and Old Guard. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.
©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.