Expert: arani_CsA - 4/24/2008

Question
Starting a new relationship, with a very submissive woman,  I am a very dominant lover but have never been a Master.  She says she is a beginner at Dilation but loves mental bondage and wax play.  Could you tell me a little about all three?  Thank you  for your time and help.    Doc

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

I have to confess that my own Master and I do not engage in physical forms of play as often as some other couples.  Our relationship is based more on service, and on the mental bondage that you spoke of.  This is something that goes far deeper than simply ordering her to hold a particular position without moving.  It involves creating within her the mind-set that she belongs totally to you, and is dependent on you for everything that she is.

If your partner is naturally submissive, then this should be easy to inspire this feeling in her.  What will be more difficult is doing so without causing her harm.  For the Dominant has a tremendous responsibility to nurture and protect his submissive, because she may be so intent on pleasing you that she may lose all concern for her own welfare.  I have, myself, experienced that frame of mind when the endorphins are running rampant in my body and I no longer have the ability to put limits on my own behavior.  You need to be able to do that for her.

If you have not already done so, I suggest that you do some research on the D/s lifestyle.  Some good places to start are:
http://www.castlelrealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I also suggest that you find a BDSM group meeting in your local area.  (You can find a listing of such groups at http://www.drkdesyre.com)  By interacting with such people, face to face, you can see what they do and how they do it.  You can get more detailed advice on specific play practices, and watch others in action.  You can also observe the more mental aspects of the lifestyle.  Then, the two of you can go home and discuss how to integrate these things into your own relationship.

Good luck to you.  If you have any further questions, feel free to bring them to me.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius