Expert: Master Shadow - 5/4/2008

Question
Hello: I've been enjoying rather intense scenes with a dear friend/Top for about a year now. As I am a heavy bottom/masochist and she is a very creative sadist Top, our interests match quite well. On two occasions now, I've noticed her attempting to hide tears. This has occurred at times when she is truly testing my limits both physically and mentally. Usually, this is a point we both find most stimulating. I do my best to compose myself and inquire if she is alright. Is something troubling her? She'll tell me that I've suffered enough and will remove the restraints beckoning me to join her on the floor to cuddle. We do and this leads to sex. Hardly sounds like a problem, right? The "problem" is that her orientation is lesbian and while we are dear friends, we had never had sex. If I attempt to broach the subject, she will jump back into Top mode and end the conversation. I am perplexed. Any thoughts? This is a confident, emotionally stable woman who is an absolute dynamo professionally and in her personal life. I really don't have a clue. I would welcome any thoughts you might have. Thanks.

Answer
It sounds like either there's a serious problem She is hiding, or, more likely  She cares for you deeply. Some Domme's and Tops get emotionally charged during a heavy scene. Realize how much you give, how much you bring to this relationship. What you are giving, from what I can infer from your letter is much. The feeling I get is that this gift could possibly be in a way overwhelming to the Top. I know a Mistress who does the same exact thing during a scene. She loves Her slave very much, and is at times awestruck by the gift, the honor that Her slave gifts to Her.

Realize, One does not have to have a sexual relationship with another to love them deeply.  I have known friends who's relationship seemed to me to be deeper, and more emotionally involved than many married couples relationships. In a bdsm relationship, quite often the slave/sub/bottom literally places their lives in the hands of their One, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that they are safe, they are as secure as if they stood in Fort Knox. This builds a special type of relationship that not many have.

Many can say "I would trust my spouse with my life.". But how many actually KNOW that they could so trust their spouse? How many have actually put themselves in a position to do just that? So you see, what you have here is special, and to be cherished. Do not question it overly much, just enjoy it for what it is, two very good friends.