Expert: Master Shadow - 5/4/2008

Question
Dear Expert....Sorry for disturbing you again...
I have just got married to a good chaste Hindu girl. I also a Hindu.I don't know whether my wife will accept to do Femdom. And I am afraid to reveal my desire to her bcoz she may leave away or misunderstand me....Then how can I reveal my BDSM desire to her? If she is not interested then how can I bring her to BDSM ?(Is Showing Femdom movies, Books,etc do it?) Is it possible to bring anybody to BDSM life though they dont have any idea or not interested?
Thanks

Answer
First off, my dear friend, you should have discussed this with Her BEFORE the marriage, but congratulations anyway.

This is a sensitive subject, as I am not totally familiar with your culture, except for believing that in India, the male is usually in total control of everything. If this is the case, you might have a problem convincing Her of ANYTHING that does not leave you in control. Many are brought up with the thought that the man is always in control, no matter what, including such times when the man is clearly wrong, but too vain to admit it because of their ego.

Books, and websites such as CastleRealm.com can give you much information. IT explains the terminology, psychological concepts, and protocols, as well as explaining how to "do bdsm safely". Remember, first off, that there is something called a "safe word". This is a word that both of you agree on that means "Stop!".

The safe word is very important. It allows the masochist/submissive/bottom/slave to stop the application of pain immediately, in case of such things as medical emergencies, or for when the bdsm gets too intense, and you must stop, or risk permanent psychological, or emotional damage. Realize, many times in this type of lifestyle past issues dealing with very traumatic events of one's past can, and often crop up, and have to be dealt with immediately. To delay would leave the sub/slave feeling abandoned, and alone.

In this type of relationship, it is important that the submissive, or slave is made to feel loved, needed, and cared for. This is a very important part of the Lifestyle. Without this, the sub, or slave feels lost, and confused. They begin to wonder if they have done something wrong. This leaves them dejected, and unneeded.

I would start with the above website, after some MILD conversations in regards to inner feelings, etc. Books on mild bdsm, paddling, spanking and the like are also good introductions to the bdsm lifestyle. As far as the website goes, you can "come across it" purely by "accident", and then start to explore the site while watching her reactions to what is on the screen. This can also give you insight into what SHE might be interested in in this lifestyle. It is important that HER wishes, and desires be first, of coarse, as She will become your Dominant, and Mistress.

The object is to cause discomfort at first, lightly. This is often a sexual stimulus for a female, as they get to be the ones in charge. They get to experiment. But, remember, in all of this, safety first. Remember, these are loved ones, not strangers that you are doing this to. Even were it a stranger, still safety in all things. This is to be enjoyable for all, not enjoyable for one, and a misery for the other. Explore each other's desires, and hidden cravings. Do not judge each other's fetishes, but rather accept them as a part of the person you love, as these are part of the things that have made the person you love what they are.

In all of this, assure Her that you will, in the long run, succumb to Her wishes in this. She has to know that even if She says no, you will still love Her, and that you will not look elsewhere for this FemDom. The first thing a true slave learns is loyalty, regardless of anything else. The rest may come in due time, or not, as She wills.

I hope this helps.

                                              Sincerely in Leather,
                                              Master Shadow.