Expert: awhitecloud - 5/16/2008

Question
Hello,

Ive been with my current boyfriend for just over 2 yrs now. I have always known he is into BDSM stuff. (he is a Dom) which ive been realy open to and kinda like it. Latley he has wanted to try stuff the im not yet comfortable with (im a wus and cant take pain well) do you think letting him experiment with somone else is safe for our relationship permitting its no sex. He tells me in alot of it there is no sex involved but i dont know much about it and feel stupid asking him to go into detail on what a Dom does. Can you help me a little in understanding maybe what a dom does and if its sexual.

Answer
I can try but each relationship is different.  Never feel stupid to talk to him that is what a large part of the lifestyle is about open honest communication.

First off a number of the things people do in the lifestyle do not have to hurt, a lot of us do not enjoy and or like pain.  You can use the same things that can bring pain to one and have then also be used sensually on others.  

As for letting him play with others and not having sex, that happens a lot at different events and parties.  I know that for a time it was also part of my life, my hubby could not hurt me so I had a Dom out side of our marriage we all knew each other and where good friends. Sex was not a part of that relationship at all, and it worked for us.  I would not attend parties and things with the Dom and my hubby not there.  This was kept open and everyone knew what was happening and when.

Communication is the key and there are a number of good books you can get at the local book store to help you and to give you more information.  First off I would find a local group and attend munches and events get to know people for both of you and grow together, just be safe and do things you both are comfortable with.

I hope that this has helped you some and you know where to find me and always remember the only stupid question is the one you never ask.

awhitecloud