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BDSM/developing relationship with dominant wife

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Expert: - 5/12/2008


Question
Dear awhitecloud,

I've recently introduced my wife to the idea of spanking me to help me behave more to her liking.  We both agree that I'm too prideful, and that this is helping me to have a more humble spirit.  I've shown her that she shouldn't let me orgasm after a spanking (beating, whipping...), because she doesn't want me to connect the spanking with pleasure.  So now I'm doing my best to behave so that I don't get a spanking, because I really want to be able to cum.

She knows next to nothing about BDSM.  She isn't very patient with me explaining things about it.  I want her to incorporate strapons and butt plugs (and other fantasies and fetishes) at her own initiative.  But I don't know how to show her how they can enhance our relationship.

I'm torn between topping (or maybe manipulating) from the bottom and just not doing anything.

On the plus side, she's told me that she really likes my behavior since we starting the spankings.  (And it's like she's turning into the domme of my dreams, sometimes!)

How can I sell her on going further down the BDSM rabbit hole?  (She'll only want to go a bit at a time!)

Answer
Well you can find local groups in your area, and attend munches and events so you both can learn and you can talk with others that are like minded.

You can set up time to look over sites and talk about it together, so you can see different thing.

Communication is the key you need to talk about it and grow together.

Do you know there is a section of people they call a switch? Theses people are part of the time a submissive and the other part of the time they are a Dom.  So you can have the best of both worlds if it is how you are made up.

Take slow sets and spend time together reading and talking there are a number of great books you can pick up at the local book store as well.

I am available on yahoo messenger if you both would like to talk you may contact me I am awhitecloud there.

I hope this has helped you and just remember to keep talking and communicating.

awhitecloud

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awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

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