Expert: CougarDomme - 5/13/2008

Question
Dear awhitecloud,

I've recently introduced my wife to the idea of spanking me to help me behave more to her liking.  We both agree that I'm too prideful, and that this is helping me to have a more humble spirit.  I've shown her that she shouldn't let me orgasm after a spanking (beating, whipping...), because she doesn't want me to connect the spanking with pleasure.  So now I'm doing my best to behave so that I don't get a spanking, because I really want to be able to cum.

She knows next to nothing about BDSM.  She isn't very patient with me explaining things about it.  I want her to incorporate strapons and butt plugs (and other fantasies and fetishes) at her own initiative.  But I don't know how to show her how they can enhance our relationship.

I'm torn between topping (or maybe manipulating) from the bottom and just not doing anything.

On the plus side, she's told me that she really likes my behavior since we starting the spankings.  (And it's like she's turning into the domme of my dreams, sometimes!)

How can I sell her on going further down the BDSM rabbit hole?  (She'll only want to go a bit at a time!)

Answer
You need to go slow with her so that her interest continues to develop. She's not hard-wired like most of us so she needs to be slowly brought to Jesus so to speak.
An excellent place for her to learn would be at this site:
www.sexuality.org and then on the search page type in 'BDSM' and there is an enormous amount of information there and she will learn a lot just reading at the site, and going to a munch and a local-ish play party where she can watch other dominants and ask and learn.  I've learned so much over the years watching other dom/mmes and reading and experimenting over the last 25 years--but I am hard-wired.  I also started my trip through the dark side on the sub side which is where the best dommes come from--we know what the sub needs and how to achieve that since we've been there.
She also might want to put you into a chastity device which puts a lot of women in a more dominant frame of mind--knowing you can't cum without her permission will do a lot for her domme frame of mind as well as your sub side because she holds the key to your pleasure, literally! I recommend the CB3000 and similar devices and you can find them on www.extremerestraints.com and in the search box type 'chastity' and a large choice of devices will come up.  They aren't cheap and they are very well made--worth every penny because you will NOT be able to circumvent them.
Please feel free to contact me again if you need further assistance.
Blessings,
Cougar Domme