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BDSM/developing relationship with wife

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Expert: Lady Aryana - 5/13/2008


Question
Dear Kayra,

I've recently introduced my wife to the idea of spanking me to help me behave more to her liking.  We both agree that I'm too prideful, and that this is helping me to have a more humble spirit.  I've shown her that she shouldn't let me orgasm after a spanking (beating, whipping...), because she doesn't want me to connect the spanking with pleasure.  So now I'm doing my best to behave so that I don't get a spanking, because I really want to be able to cum.

She knows next to nothing about BDSM.  She isn't very patient with me explaining things about it.  I want her to incorporate strapons and butt plugs (and other fantasies and fetishes) at her own initiative.  But I don't know how to show her how they can enhance our relationship.

I'm torn between topping (or maybe manipulating) from the bottom and just not doing anything.

On the plus side, she's told me that she really likes my behavior since we starting the spankings.  (And it's like she's turning into the domme of my dreams, sometimes!)

How can I sell her on going further down the BDSM rabbit hole?  (She'll only want to go a bit at a time!)

Answer
Hello Aaron,

Welcome and good luck in your relationship.. Let me suggest a few good books for you and your wife,,

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle  by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

Also let me suggest a group that both you and your wife should join.. It is real life Mistress and male slave relationships, you might just find other's in your area which you can become friends with, or simply online friends, which your wife can find a mentor.

The longer you two are in this relationship the easier it will be for her, she simply needs to understand it takes time. I know how it feels not to want to wait but it is something she will have to learn just like you will.

The group is http://www.mschristine.com/domestic.shtml

Good luck and I hope things work out for you..

I wish you both well

Marie

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Old Guard, Victorn Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Email groups for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. I was collared to my Master, then we married Sept 25 2003. I am no longer in a relationship with him, although as D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either DD or D/s, or simply learning more in order to help others.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment although I am in a DD based relationship which has a very strong sense of D/s although it is NON sexual. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me, and at the moment I have to male slaves who would like to submit. Simply haven't had the time or place to do that yet. I know many egroups who can offer support. I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 22 yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I belong to the local BDSM community in AL, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and Old Guard. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

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