AboutMaster Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
Question QUESTION: I have been talking to a "sissy slave" online for the past 2 months or so, and I am greatly enjoying my time with him to say the least, he found me on a "norm" web forum. :)
I am a 27 year old female who is engaged, and he is a 37 year old male who is married. His wife knows he wants the D/s lifestyle but she is appalled by it, so thus he is very unhappily married for the past 8 years.
He has opened my eyes to this fascinating lifestyle that I hardly knew exsisted. He is looking for someone to control just about every aspect of him and his life and I find myself wanting to be with him more and more, to leave what I have now and go and be with him, and eventually marry him. (He said he would want to be married to me for us to be together)
He wants to serve me whatever it be for, he wants to be my fianical and domestic slave. I like this idea but at the same time I find myself thinking how can I be so dependant on someone for money? (I currently work and have been working at the same office job for 4 years.) It would, in a way make me feel kind of useless as an individual to not make any money.
Also, and one of the bigger things is that he wants me to deny him anything sexual to do with me. He wants me to force him into sexual experiences with men, with which I have no problem with. It's just always denying him being with me sexually, I feel odd when it comes to that. Almost like he finds me disgusting to "be" with in that way. It's very confusing and there is a lot of exceptions to the rule I find with this lifestyle. I just wanted to get "your" take on all of this. =)
And.. I'm one of those very sweet and caring kinda gals so I am finding it hard to be forceful and stern with him, any suggestions on that?
Thanks so much for your time!!
ANSWER: This is not an easy set of questions to answer. First off, congratulations on your introduction into the bdsm Lifestyle.
The first thing I would have to ask is, do you love the man you are currently engaged to? Does He love you? Are you willing to throw away what you have now for something that is only a possibility? You are engaged, and He is married, whether happily or not.
Secondly, if you ARE willing to trade off what you have now for something that MIGHT happen in the future, you need to ask yourself if you would be happy with this kind of relationship. Why doesn't he want anything sexual from you? Why does he only want to be forced into homosexual relationships by you?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy with this. I would HAVE to have a contract, and collar him. He would also understand that there ARE such things as a strapon, vibrators, chastity devices, some of which can be quite painful should an erection occur while wearing them, and let Us not forget a FemDom's favorite, anal fisting. Sure, You can still make him go through homosexual relationships, but also let him know in no uncertain terms that YOU will wear him like a meat puppet. and screw him like the little sissyboy he is, so to speak.
As to having your own money, I agree wholeheartedly. Just because he gives you his check does not in any way mean you can't earn your own as well, thereby increasing your ability to pay the bills, etc. It gives you a sense of self worth, and that is priceless in anybody's book, in my opinion.
As far as being hard, it is not always necessary to be hard to inflict pain, or discipline. I know many a Dominant who are not mean or hard at all. They say please, and thank you to Their slaves, and treat them with respect. They love Their slaves dearly, most of them. Realize, you can beat, flog, whip, crop, and paddle a slave, and still love them, possibly love them more, even, for the gift they give. They give up control. They give themselves to any pain that you might wish to inflict, or anything else you may desire, and do it willingly.
The questions that you ask are mostly the questions that only you can answer. But, I think you already knew this. Weigh your options carefully. Do not be blinded by things because of a new found interest in the lifestyle. And make no decision this important hastily. Give it due thought, then follow what is truly in your heart.
In all cases, whichever you choose, I wish you the best of luck in your journey. I hope that I have somehow helped you to reach the conclusion that you already know you would. Feel free to contact me if you have further questions, or need clarification on anything. Be well, play safe, and have fun.
SINcerely in Leather,
Master Shadow.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks so much for your quick response Master Shadow. I really appreciate your thoughts on the matter. I wanted to fill you in with a bit more of my situation and get some more feedback from you. =)
My current relationship is lacking a lot of things, and has been for quite some time now, I care for him but I am unhappy more than 70% of the time, or at least it feels that way. Which I guess is why it's so much easier to have feelings for someone else.
You said, "if you ARE willing to trade off what you have now for something that MIGHT happen in the future, you need to ask yourself if you would be happy with this kind of relationship", is that because you think relationships that start off online are mostly just fantasy?
Do you find in general that "sissies" are living mostly in a fantasy world?
I don't think I was clear when I said he doesn't want anything sexual from me. He did say he wanted me to use a strap on, etc. It's just he doesn't want to EVER have sex with me and have me limit his touching me to VERY seldom. He wants me to call him names, (which I have no problem with) like faggot because he says he craves cock, but he wants to worship me. I think I am just confused about why he would want to marry into a relationship with a female if he loves male genitalia. Do you have any take on this?
I like many of the aspects of this lifestyle. Such as dressing him up in womens clothing, making him wear makeup, making him clean up after me, taking him out all dressed up to be humiliated, teasing and torturing him, and then kissing and cuddling him afterwards. All those things make me excited and make me feel alive.
We have talked about a contract and that we would need to have one. =)
One last thing for now... (sorry this is so long, lol)
He also wants to be forced to take female hormones in the future, so he can feel the emotions of a female and eventually grow breasts. I am kind of leery of this, is it safe? And it's so hard for me to understand the "want" of this sort of thing.
Thanks for your time!!
Answer Wow! Give me a bit of time to answer this, as it requires a bit of thought. Your question deserves that, in my opinion.
I'll never bum rap online relationships. I met my wife that way, and have been happily married since. We met on a kink chat site, and went from there, so, no, I don't believe that online relationships are bad because they start out as fantasy. Quite the opposite, in fact. I would encourage some play online, if nothing else just so the people become familiar with each other, and get to know each other a little before ever meeting in real time.
Also, for some, online is all they can have, whether due to disabilities, opportunities, or whatever. Life is strange some times, and you must seek love, acceptance and the like where you can find it many times. As far as sissy boys loving in a fantasy world, when you think about it, quite a lot of bdsm can be fantasy, by way of role play, or having a kink or fetish acted out during a scene. No, fantasy, and imagination is what gives the lifestyle spark for many.
Obviously, from what you have been saying, you enjoy the relationship for the most part, but have safety issues in regards to health. From what I understand, there is always some inherent risk when taking female hormones. The best bet would be to seek expert medical advice in this regard, then balance the risks involved against the desired results. If you are not willing to risk his health to do this, then you might want to rethink things.
As to why he wants to have this type of relationship, only he can answer that question, as I also do not know his motivation. You might want to have a long talk with him on this issue. In relationships like this, honesty in all things would be my advice. Be up front about what each of you want, what your interests are, what your limits are, and be willing to be truthful about things, even if you risk hurting the other by what you are telling them. This seems a bit harsh at first, but it does keep resentments over past issues to a minimum.
If nothing else, give it a trial run, and see if this is what you are looking for in a bdsm relationship. Whatever your choice, I do wish you both the best of luck in your journey. Remember, have fun, explore together, and enjoy!
