Expert: CougarDomme - 5/14/2008

Question
Greetings CougarDomme,
I have a new sub boyfriend whom I care for very deeply, I was in a previous relationship for four years where the roles where never really defined; we would just really experiment and change roles. Eventually I found myself to be quite Dominant but one thing happened after another and my last partner and i split. But I am with this new partner who is very submissive, which I find greatly to My delight. I was mainly hoping on some advice on being more of a full blown Dom as the case would be, also he seems to have a shoe/foot/tights fetish which is really a new concept for Me and I'm not sure how to continue with that part of our play, which I would like to do very much. One reason being that it intrigues Me and another is that I know honing in on it would make his punishments/rewards more intense. I guess I'm just looking for advice in those fairly general areas.
Thank You for taking the time to read My message,
with respect
Carla

Answer
Carla,
Each relationship, even in the vanilla world, is constantly being redefined and renegotiated. We all live and learn from others in the scene and what I would suggest is doing some reading. The key to being a good domme is to find each individual sub's buttons and learning how to push them in the way that both of you enjoy the most
and what helps you to grow in both your vanilla lives and scene lives.
I would suggest that you learn something about your sub's particular kink and as it is a fairly common one, there's plenty of information around.  One of the best sources of information I can recommend for a novice dominant is www.sexuality.org and then go to their extremely extensive BDSM area--search "BDSM" and it has a wealth of good information you can use. I learned a lot from watching and talking to other dominants at munches and play parties and I also recommend that as a good source of information.
A sub is like a garden--you have to tend it's needs. When you do that well, the garden flourishes.
Hope this helps!
All the Best,
CougarDomme