Expert: Oscar G. - 5/1/2008

Question
Dear BDSM Expert
How a person become interested in BDSM?
From Birth? Environment? or Both of them?
In my case. I did not know that what is BDSM when I was in my teen age, but I always wanted to be dominated/tortured by a girl. After some years I found that this activity is known as BDSM in society. Then only I learned a about femdom and bdsm. How many percentage of people in the world are interested in BDSM life style?
I am wondering that which made me interested in BDSM?
Does environment makes a person interested in BDSM or BDSM
mentality is coming with some persons from the birth?
(In my case non of the external things made me interested in BDSM).I loved being dominated when I was 14 years old(Even I dint know that how to have sex with a girl at that period)
Please be kind enough to give me the answers
Thank You


Answer
Dear Mogan:

That is a "chicken or the egg" issue, since many people will tell you they had the drive and interest mostly come from within.  But you will hear also that there was something within environment that triggered the craving to search for  more. I certainly think is a combination of both. But it is not always the same for each person.

Some people never get the drive for BDSM even if exposed. Maybe They need to be exposed more or understand it. While others were never exposed, yet still sought it out until they found it.

Even stickier the issue, would be "WHAT IS BDSM?" We do not have exact numbers of who is a BDSMer as opposed to just kinky. Or lifestyler if you prefer.  The definitions do change and many people do not even confess to either side.

The craving and pull you have comes from a deeper understanding of the intensity and potential meaning for sex and intimacy, that you could have.  That sex and intimacy is not only one sexual intercourse position and/or oral pleasures. It is a larger spectrum of activities and  sensation open for exploration and your own instincts tell you so.

There is however plenty of psychology about what makes one person dominant or submissive. But it is not always an iron clad rule. There are many stories about people who did not have dominant mothers and still came out very secure and dominant toward women as opposed to submissive and vice versa. Some roles are learned from the example of the parental figures we have, some people theorize. But that pattern is not always the case. Yet the case is made about the stuff  being hardwired onto you and regardless of environment and no amount of  exposure  and/or conditioning would change those leanings.

I hope  this short insight helps you along in finding a more solid definition of yourself. I would recommend finding a good book at your discretion on the topic. Amazon.com  carries a great deal of BDSM books including the ones dealing with the psychology of the whole.

In the meantime be well, have fun and be safe.
Oscar G.