Expert: awhitecloud - 5/7/2008

Question
In the course of our BDSM odyssey, my husband and I have both switched. We both find a long term D/s relationship desirable. Unfortunately, we both prefer submission. In fact, I find a submissive male completely unappealing sexually. I don't mind that he enjoys cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids, but I simply cannot get excited in bed. I have no desire to see him tied down, to see him bent over or to feel "in control." I loved when he acted as my Dom, but he cannot stand to see me cry.
We have been married for 8 years, but I wonder if I can be truly happy without a dominant man in my life.

Answer
Well I can understand your points made it would be hard to deal with.

Might I suggest something you might find strange or out of the normal realm?  I am not meaning to be rude or out of line on this or to offend you, just something I know helped in my life and marriage.

I had a Dom out side the marriage, it was open and no sex at all with him.  We where all friends and it worked well, it gave me the Dom I needed but kept the home time for us.  Yes I would have things at times I needed to get finished or do for the other Dom, and that came first, as I had to have that part in my life. I learned to balance it all and in time we even had the Dom more in.  My hubby is a Dom but could not hurt me, he could do it with others just not with me. Being in love with me got into the way.

So you might wish to find local groups and attend meetings and get to know other people.  Then you might get to the point that you both have the Dom outside of your home and you meet the needs there and can still have your time alone that is not hampered with the lifestyle issues your dealing with.

This is not for everyone but it is an option that can work and does work for a lot of people. But in it all communication is the key and you both need to be open and honest with each other and talk, grow and learn together.

I hope this has helped you some and that you can find a way to make it work better for you both.

awhitecloud