Expert: arani_CsA - 6/23/2008

Question
I am a single Christian woman.
I have been succesful professionally, running a department for some years. I have had less success in my private life, never having had a serious relationship.

Recently, I have accepted that I am submissive. I have asked a few questions of one of the other experts on this site (Mistress Violette) who has given me some excellent guidance on starting this journey. She has recommended that I come to you for advice on Christianity and BDSM.

I am really new to all this. I have been given some good sites to explore and am compiling a reading list.

I have a good network of friends - but none of them would understand this. My professional collegues were appaled to hear once that I found the idea of bondage appealing. "How can a strong, succesful, modern woman have such ideas" is their view. I can't explain to them that if I wasn't so strong, I don't think I could be submissive. Also, bondage is only a part of BDSM. It's all so new to me....but I know they wouldn't understand. It is not a choice that I have made - this is who I am.
And then my Christian friends....they would go through a number of emotions if I told them, ranging from disbelief, through confusion, to (unfortunately) disgust. They believe in submission to God ( with which I wholeheartedly agree) but refuse to sanction the idea of submission to any human  (although I would argue it is Biblical to submit to your husband).

I don't want to give up these good friendships, but I would like to contact people who can understand my journey, and give me acceptance, help and encouragement.

In the future, I would be looking for the right person to top me. But as I said, I'm new....I want to wait for the right guy. But I would like to contact others.

Would you be able to help with any suggestions for reading, web-sites and support groups for a Christian living a BDSM lifestyle?

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  i hope i can help you find the answers you seek.

You raise several points in your letter.  First of all, i wanted to say that none of my friends or co-workers know about my life as a slave.  Very few of them would understand, and it's really none of their business.  Most of the vanilla world still considers us freaks, or disturbed, or even abused women, and i would be at tremendous risk of losing my career if i were "outed."  So, to the world at large, my husband and i have a rather "old-fashioned" relationship where he is the head of the household and makes most of the decisions.  Most accept it at that.  As for the bondage and the rest of the S/m play, what goes on in the privacy of our bedroom is simply no one else's business.

i think you might be surprised to find out how many Christians are active in the D/s lifestyle.  Try doing a web search for "Domestic Discipline" and see what you find.  Most of them see this as a Biblically-ordained lifestyle, patterned after the instructions given by St. Paul that wives should submit to the husband in all things.  Here is a link to the site where i actually met my Master/husband -- http://www.christiansandbdsm.com/letter.html  The message boards are no longer active, but there is some good informational material on a Christian rationale for our lifestyle.  i also know that there are some Yahoo groups based on DD; i'm afraid i don't have a list of them but i'm sure that you could do a search and find several.

Good for you for wanting to wait before taking a Master.  Remember that this man will quite literally have your life in your hands, and you need to trust that he will take care of it.  I do recommend that you find a group of other people to interact with, to talk to them about how they do it, and to meet prospective friends as well as Masters.  You can find a list of local BDSM groups at http://www.drkdesyre.com listed by state.

Good luck to you.  If you have any further questions, feel free to send them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius